As far as I know I'm still pregnant.
It's been a rocky few weeks since my last update. I feel like I should preface this post by saying although I'm complaining, I am so happy to be pregnant that I will gladly suffer through any sympton. That being said, morning sickness is horrible.
I have felt like I had the flu pretty much non-stop for the past three weeks. And morning sickness isn't what I thought it would be - I feel hungover and motion sick. I haven't thrown up (or even really felt like I was going to) - it's been mostly my head. Dizzy, headache and then it gets so bad my stomach hurts and I can't eat. I'm miserable and just want to fall asleep.
I've also been so exhausted. I do nothing now. Work and sit at home. It's quite boring but there is no way I could do anything else. And on the rare occasions that I do, it just about kills me and I'm so wiped out afterwards.
I'm also constipated. I am taking Zofran (anti-nausea medicine), which causes constipation (on top of pregnancy which also causes constipation) and I haven't really pooped in three weeks. I've started taking stool softeners and drinking prune juice so hopefully things will get moving soon.
Heartburn is also pretty fun (although manageable with Tums) and so is my random food aversion (I hate tomatoes now - and I used to love them).
My last major symptom is how often and easily I cry. It amuses Steve so much, so at least one of us enjoys it. I seriously sobbed last night when I saw Peyton Manning in a Broco's uniform. It was heartbreaking and I'm tearing up again thinking about it.
All of that being said, I am so happy I'm pregnant. And here I thought I would be kind of sad because I couldn't drink or have fun when going out and little did I know that alcohol sounds HORRIBLE and I would rather stay in than do anything. I'm really hoping that changes in the second trimester though. I only have a few more weeks.
All of it is worth it though. We had our first appointment on September 4th and it was the most amazing thing I have ever done. I was a mess. I thought for sure they would do the ultrasound and the baby would be dead. I know that's so morbid but after miscarrying it just doesn't feel real (even with all the symptoms). And those fucking baby boards are awful. I swear to God almost every other post is someone talking about how they had a misssed miscarriage, which meant they had no signs (cramping and/or blood) and thought they were pregnant until they went to the doctor and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I think it only happens like 3% of the time, but I think every single one of those people post on the baby boards. And I get that the boards are for support, but it's still scary to read (and I can't stop - it's like a car wreck).
So I was laying on the table, with tears in my eyes before the exam even started. As soon as she inserted the wand we saw Mega Tron (that's what we're calling him - Steve picked it out and I went with it because it sounds strong and tough) right away and he was was waving his little arms and legs as hard as he could. I started sobbing and said, "He's moving - that means his heart's beating, right?!?" It did and it was a strong heartbeat - 172 beats per minute.
I sort of felt like he was waving right away to ease my worry. Like he was saying, "It's okay mom, I'm good!"
The rest of the appointment was fine - they gave me a PAP smear while I was there - with Steve in the room - which was hilarious since we was so uncomfortable. He told me I have to go with him next time he has a prostate exam as payback. There was also lots of blood work, and a long talk with the nurse - do's and don'ts - that sort of thing.
Our next appointment is October 2 and they'll try to hear the heartbeat with the doppler this time. Part of me hopes they can't find the heartbeat (although not really because I will probably have a heart attack if that happens) via doppler because then they'll do it internally again and we'll see Mega Tron again.
We decided to do the genetic testing because it's covered by insurance (I'll be over 35 when I deliver). We wouldn't terminate unless the baby would die anyway or would be in so much pain, etc. Although I have no clue what goes into termination so I hope we never have to find out.
I'm going on Wednesday for a blood test and they will test for chromisomal abnormalities (it takes about two weeks so we'll have the results by our next appointment), then there is another blood test in November which tests for spinal bifida and CF. Then because we're "high risk" (so annoying) we will have a 3D ultrasound at 18 weeks (most people just do a 2D ultrasound at 20 weeks).
That is when you can find out the gender (although I already think it's a boy - mostly because four psychics over the years have told me I would have a boy first and then a girl - the last one though said two boys close together and a girl - the boys close together could have been the miscarriage and then this baby). We weren't going to find out, but I think it will be really hard on a 3D ultrasound. And they give us a DVD of it and we'll want to show our families so I'm not sure how reasonable it is to keep it a secret. And I don't want to have to keep turning my head and miss out on seeing my baby just because I don't want to find out the gender. Seeing him is more important to me.
Although who knows - maybe it'll be positioned in a way where they can't get a good look. If so, then we probably won't press it. We can do that ultrasound mid November - doesn't that seem kind of soon?
Time is going by so slowly (it tends to when you feel horrible and don't do anything), but quickly all at the same time. I'm excited for our next appointment - if all goes well then we will tell our nieces (they are 5 and 3) afterward. They both want another baby in the family so badly - they will seriously lose their shit when we tell them. Three weeks from tomorrow.
Also what's kind of weird is that Steve and I are not having sex until the second trimester. The doctor said we didn't have to wait, but she said that people sometimes feel more comfortable holding off. It can cause cramping and bleeding and it's just not worth it to me. I would be so worried those few days. We went from having sex all the time to not having it at all. Honestly it's sort of a relief. I miss the physical closeness but having sex when you feel awful isn't fun. I've had zero desire to do anything remotely sexual. But part of me is kind of afraid that we're going to get used to not having sex and end up in the friend zone, which is probably ridiculous, but odd to not have sex for three months when you're a newlywed.
I also started a new job the past few weeks, which has been awful and another story all together. Lesson learned - don't do a major life change in the first trimester of pregnancy.
It's 7:46 and I'm off to bed!
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