I am starting a Whole30 tomorrow - my first, and I'm pretty excited.
A brief history about me. I'm relatively healthy - especially for someone who is overweight. I don't have high blood pressure, I'm not diabetic or pre-diabetic, my cholesterol isn't too bad (considering my entire family is on medication and I'm not, although it is a little higher than it should be), I don't have any major health issues, etc. I'm incredibly lucky because today, I weigh 304 lbs. That's a lot for anyone, but especially a 37 year old 5'7" female.
I have battled with weight my entire life and I have come to terms with 2 things:
1. I will never ever ever ever ever be able to wear many things (2 piece bathing suit, mini skirt, midriff top, etc - although at 37 that probably wouldn't be something I would choose at this point in my life anyway) due to lose skin, stretch marks, etc. I have done permanent damage to my body.
2. I will never look super thin. I will never be supermodel skinny. Unless I'm dead and have been dead for awhile. I don't have that body type. I'm curvy. Kim Kardashian curvy. It's fine. It's in, so I guess that's good. Hopefully curves and butts don't go out of style any time soon.
About 7 years ago, I lost 109 lbs. I started at 309 and got down to 200. I looked good. And yes, I realize that 200 is most people's starting point, but it didn't look bad on me. I was a solid size 12, but most importantly I was healthy and in shape. I had blood work done and I was perfect - all my hormone levels, etc. - perfection. The doctors were really impressed. I was running 30 miles a week, lifting weights and I ran 9 half marathons.
But, I was still considered to be morbidly obese by the official guidelines, which really pissed me off for awhile, but I realized that this was probably my best. I was happy. And healthy. And in shape.
I kept it off for a few years and then 4 years ago, I met my husband (gained weight while dating) and then after we married, we started trying to have kids. In the last 2.5 years, I've been pregnant almost the entire time - miscarriage, baby, miscarriage and baby. I have been pregnant the entire month of August for the past 3 years. That has taken such a toll on my body.
I miscarried the first while working out, so I never worked out again while pregnant. It wasn't worth the risk to me. I was so sick during my first successful pregnancy that I lost 20 pounds. And then gained 40 after he was born because it was so nice to be able to eat again. I lost the additional 20, had a miscarriage, got pregnant again and gained 40 pounds with Charlotte. It was worth it - not feeling like death for 9 months is worth 40 pounds!
My weight has settled around 285 the past few years until now. 304. I'm 5 pounds away from my all time high (well, except when I was pregnant with Charlotte but I don't count that).
But more than that, I hurt. I had PGP while pregnant with Charlotte and it hasn't gone away. I'm sluggish and slow and I miss feeling good. Feeling in shape. Having energy. Now that I have kids, it's more important than ever for me to be healthy and in shape.
The problem is I haven't felt motivated to do anything about it - until now. I have high hopes for the Whole30 - and the focus of this blog for the next 30 days is to chronicle how I feel and how it's going.
Here is what I would like to happen:
1. Weight loss. I have hope that I will lose a lot. In the past, my personal experience has been that when I gain a lot quickly, I also lose a lot quickly. I would love to see 279 at the end of this. I realize that is 25 pounds, but I am hopeful. 279 because I haven't been able to break out of the 280's in a few years I think going below that will help keep me motivated.
2. Reduce inflammation in my joints and ligaments. Supposedly this will improve too. If I can greatly reduce my pain, that would make me so happy! Not sure this will help my PGP, but I hope so!
3. Have more energy and sleep better. I have 2 kids under the age of 2. I don't need to be awake at night when they're asleep. And I want to keep up with them.
4. Reduce my addiction to chocolate. I used to not like chocolate. Most of my life, I never gave it a thought and never snacked on it. I went years without eating a single piece of Halloween candy. During my pregnancy with Van, I craved it and now it's like crack to me. Truly, it's awful. I used to think people with chocolate cravings were ridiculous and now I realize that's no joke. Supposedly the Whole30 will cure my addiction.
Bottom line, I want to be healthy, feel better and lose weight.
I just hope I can not eat dairy, sugar, grains, legumes and alcohol for 30 days. Cheese and alcohol will be the hardest. And I don't even drink that much, but I've basically had to avoid alcohol the past 2.5 years so it'll be hard to give it up again. But I've had plenty of practice, so it'll be fine.
I planned and prepped for the upcoming week. I am going to follow the rules as much as I can. I will admit that there are 3 things this week that I will eat that are not 100% sugar-free. I bought nitrate and preservative free bacon and sausage, but there are still trace amounts of sugar in both. I also could not find a sugar-free Dijon mustard (all I've seen are made with white wine). Regular yellow mustard is sugar-free, so I could use that instead, but yellow mustard lime chicken doesn't sound nearly as appealing as Dijon mustard lime chicken.
I have since read how to make your own homemade breakfast sausage without sugar and read that I can maybe buy sugar-free bacon at a butcher shop (or use pancetta instead). I will do both of these next week.
I am going to follow the rules the best I can, but I'm not going to kill myself trying to find a food item. I don't have time. I work full-time, have 2 babies and I live in the Midwest (meaning I would think that people who live in bigger cities or in more progressive cities would have more access to these types of food). That being said, I have a Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, Fresh Market, Fresh Thyme and multiple large grocery chains in my city. However, I don't have time to go to all of them each week (and they are spread out. Even though Whole Foods is in my city, it would take me 40 minutes to get there). I think once I start and see what I like, I can go and buy in bulk for the rest of the month. At least I hope so.
This week I made it to Trader Joe's and Kroger and I am missing 3 things I wanted for this week:
ghee
dried coconut (with no sugar added)
ranch dressing (Whole30 compliant, Whole Foods or online)
But I can live without those until I shop again this weekend. Although I still don't really know what I'm doing and Trader Joe's was NUTS on a Saturday - especially with a stroller and a kid in a cart. I felt pressure to keep moving and didn't really get to look at what I wanted.
I'm excited for tomorrow. I'm really hoping this is the push I need to get that fire again. When people asked me how I lost so much weight the first time (100 lbs in 10 months), it really wasn't hard because I was so motivated. I haven't been able to find that motivation the past few years.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Charlotte's Birth Story
Wow, a lot changed after my last post. I definitely did not feel great at the end of my pregnancy! My biggest issue was PGP (pelvic girdle pain). Basically it's when your body produces too much relaxin (pregnancy hormone) and your ligaments get too relaxed and can pop out of place. Basically it hurt to move. Getting up in the middle of the night was excruciating. It took me a good two minutes to get enough courage to take my first step - I could barely walk. Once I got going it was fine, but those first few steps were awful (my hips were out of place after being immobile for awhile).
My work was interesting this summer - there was lots of construction, which meant no air conditioning and the bathrooms in the building were closed. However, it was one of the coolest summers on record and we barely got into the 80's all summer - I was definitely blessed that way!
And then I had my usual insomnia - I spent most of the last few months sleeping in a chair. And the worst was when I was about 9 months pregnant. I got bronchitis and was so busy at work and trying to get everything done. I was working 70-80 hour work weeks (most the extra hours at night after Van was in bed) and coughing so much I thought my water would break.
Somehow though I managed to gain another 15 pounds, for a total of 40. Not wonderful, but not too bad - especially considering how much I ate. I also had 3-4 non stress tests done for lack of movement. I wasn't too worried this time but it just takes a few hours and is so inconvenient. My babies need to move more!
I wanted to share my birth story before I forget too many of the details. My due date was 9-10-14 and I made it to my 39 week appointment. I had my doctor check to see how far along I was and I was less progressed than I was with Van. She said maybe 1 cm - maybe. I went ahead and scheduled an induction for Monday, September 8th. During my last appointment she swept my membranes but I'm not sure it did anything (my last appointment was on the Wednesday before and it's supposed to work within 48 hours). I also made a famous eggplant parmesan recipe that was supposed to induce labor, but that didn't work either.
I wasn't in such a hurry to give birth but I wanted to go naturally so I wouldn't have to be induced. I finished my work week and got everything done that I needed to go on maternity leave. Steve worked on Saturday and when I got out of bed to use the bathroom that morning, I lost my mucus plug and it had a little blood with it (bloody show). With Van, I went into labor 2.5 days after that happened so I knew my body was getting ready to go into labor.
Van, my mom and I went to the pool to walk around and relax - being weightless in a pool while pregnant is heavenly! All day long I just felt off. I was having cramps (they felt like period cramps) and I was uncomfortable. I kept telling my mom and friends that I thought I was in pre-labor, but nobody really believed me. That night I slept downstairs in a chair (I still had a cough from the bronchitis) and I thought every time I stood up my water would break. Needless to say I didn't sleep well. Finally around 3:30 I decided to go upstairs and get into bed. I laid down and was just about asleep when I heard and felt a pop.
I knew it was my water breaking, but I was so tired I thought if maybe I laid still nothing would come out. Nope, about 1 minute later, warm fluid came gushing out. I texted Steve and my mom and spent the next few hours getting things ready (did laundry, picked up the house, took a shower, got ready, etc). The nice thing about not having contractions is that there isn't a huge rush to get to the hospital.
We dropped Van off at my parent's house around 6:30 or so and then headed to the hospital. By the time we got checked in and the Pitocin was hooked up, it was probably around 8 or so. Steve joked that he wanted me to have the baby by 1 since that was when football started. I figured I would progress faster than I did with Van (9 hours from start to finish), but 5 hours was pushing it! Especially because when the nurses checked me, I was still only about 1 cm dilated.
I did warn the nurses that with Van I progressed really quickly, but I'm not sure they believed me. The Pitocin kicked in right away and as soon as I started feeling uncomfortable I asked for an epidural. I liked the relief but I soon learned that because my diaphragm was numb too, I couldn't cough and that was so uncomfortable. I had an itch that I couldn't scratch. Thank goodness I didn't go into labor when I was really sick!
After about 30 minutes or so I was able to cough and then I could move my legs and then I could feel the contractions. The anesthesiologist came back and didn't believe that I could feel things again. I showed him how I could move my legs and he injected more medicine into the epidural IV and told me to give it 30 minutes. It never kicked in and I was hurting so badly. Lots of contractions and they were quick.He came back and gave me another injection of a different medicine and told me to wait 30 minutes. That didn't work either. He came back and told me he was going to give me another epidural and had me sit up so he could remove the one I had and then start all over again.
At this point the pain was indescribable. Painful contractions almost nonstop. Because of the Pitocin I never got a break. When getting an epidural you have to sit up and hold still. I was having a very hard time doing that because of the pain I was in. I started sobbing and looked up and Steve was crying too - he later told me it was because he felt so badly for me. I was begging for relief (literally begging the anesthesiologist to just do it) when all of a sudden I had to push. HAD. TO. PUSH.
The nurse could have held a gun to my head and told me she would shoot me if I pushed and I still would have pushed. It was like a primal animal instinct and I just started screaming that I had to push and that I was pushing and the nurses kept yelling at me to not push. I had 3 rounds where I was sitting up, bearing down and pushing before the epidural was done. To this day I'm not sure why he finished and just didn't stop. It was so painful holding still and pushing while sitting up.
The nurses called the doctor on call and figured she probably wouldn't make it on time so they had the "doc in the box" come in just in case. Luckily the doctor on call was there almost immediately and I pushed one round and I could see her manually making me wider with her hands. I could still feel everything and I told her I just wanted the baby out. She told me that I didn't even have to wait for another contraction, so I just pushed and she pulled her out.
And then I went numb.
I didn't have to have stitches at all (probably thanks to her manually pulling me open farther) and the baby was healthy. Charlotte Hazel Hoffman was born on 9-7-14 at 12:32 pm and was 7lbs 12 oz and 21 inches (like Van, she was born the day before I was set to be induced and Steve was at work and had to come home when my water broke). I had a little bit of a hard time trying to hold her and nurse her because I was incredibly numb at that point, but we got to snuggle for an hour or so before they took her to clean her up and do all the things they do.
Our stay at the hospital was great - we did a good job nursing and Charlotte only lost 4 oz, so she got lots of colostrum and she passed all her tests with flying colors. I wasn't depressed before leaving like I was with Van. I think a huge part of it was the success we had with nursing and also because I knew better what I was doing.
Charlotte is now almost 4 months old and is such a blessing and joy to our family. She has a full head of hair and is so smiley and happy. She sleeps through the night and is so good about not being held quite as much as Van was (because my time is divided between holding Charlotte and playing with Van). She likes to be part of the action though, so she's either on the floor with us or sitting in her "Sit Me Up" chair.
I'm not sure we'll have a 3rd (if I was younger it would be a no brainer)...I told Steve I need one year not to be pregnant and I want to lose weight and get into shape. We'll revisit in the fall and see where we are. At that point I'll be 38 and I don't want to get pregnant or deliver after 40 so we'll have a year to make it happen if we want another one. I'm not even sure how easy it will be for me to get pregnant then. We'll see.
In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy the two I have - they sure do keep us busy! God I love my kids! I always say they are the loves of my life (not sure how much Steve likes that - ha).
My work was interesting this summer - there was lots of construction, which meant no air conditioning and the bathrooms in the building were closed. However, it was one of the coolest summers on record and we barely got into the 80's all summer - I was definitely blessed that way!
And then I had my usual insomnia - I spent most of the last few months sleeping in a chair. And the worst was when I was about 9 months pregnant. I got bronchitis and was so busy at work and trying to get everything done. I was working 70-80 hour work weeks (most the extra hours at night after Van was in bed) and coughing so much I thought my water would break.
Somehow though I managed to gain another 15 pounds, for a total of 40. Not wonderful, but not too bad - especially considering how much I ate. I also had 3-4 non stress tests done for lack of movement. I wasn't too worried this time but it just takes a few hours and is so inconvenient. My babies need to move more!
I wanted to share my birth story before I forget too many of the details. My due date was 9-10-14 and I made it to my 39 week appointment. I had my doctor check to see how far along I was and I was less progressed than I was with Van. She said maybe 1 cm - maybe. I went ahead and scheduled an induction for Monday, September 8th. During my last appointment she swept my membranes but I'm not sure it did anything (my last appointment was on the Wednesday before and it's supposed to work within 48 hours). I also made a famous eggplant parmesan recipe that was supposed to induce labor, but that didn't work either.
I wasn't in such a hurry to give birth but I wanted to go naturally so I wouldn't have to be induced. I finished my work week and got everything done that I needed to go on maternity leave. Steve worked on Saturday and when I got out of bed to use the bathroom that morning, I lost my mucus plug and it had a little blood with it (bloody show). With Van, I went into labor 2.5 days after that happened so I knew my body was getting ready to go into labor.
Van, my mom and I went to the pool to walk around and relax - being weightless in a pool while pregnant is heavenly! All day long I just felt off. I was having cramps (they felt like period cramps) and I was uncomfortable. I kept telling my mom and friends that I thought I was in pre-labor, but nobody really believed me. That night I slept downstairs in a chair (I still had a cough from the bronchitis) and I thought every time I stood up my water would break. Needless to say I didn't sleep well. Finally around 3:30 I decided to go upstairs and get into bed. I laid down and was just about asleep when I heard and felt a pop.
I knew it was my water breaking, but I was so tired I thought if maybe I laid still nothing would come out. Nope, about 1 minute later, warm fluid came gushing out. I texted Steve and my mom and spent the next few hours getting things ready (did laundry, picked up the house, took a shower, got ready, etc). The nice thing about not having contractions is that there isn't a huge rush to get to the hospital.
We dropped Van off at my parent's house around 6:30 or so and then headed to the hospital. By the time we got checked in and the Pitocin was hooked up, it was probably around 8 or so. Steve joked that he wanted me to have the baby by 1 since that was when football started. I figured I would progress faster than I did with Van (9 hours from start to finish), but 5 hours was pushing it! Especially because when the nurses checked me, I was still only about 1 cm dilated.
I did warn the nurses that with Van I progressed really quickly, but I'm not sure they believed me. The Pitocin kicked in right away and as soon as I started feeling uncomfortable I asked for an epidural. I liked the relief but I soon learned that because my diaphragm was numb too, I couldn't cough and that was so uncomfortable. I had an itch that I couldn't scratch. Thank goodness I didn't go into labor when I was really sick!
After about 30 minutes or so I was able to cough and then I could move my legs and then I could feel the contractions. The anesthesiologist came back and didn't believe that I could feel things again. I showed him how I could move my legs and he injected more medicine into the epidural IV and told me to give it 30 minutes. It never kicked in and I was hurting so badly. Lots of contractions and they were quick.He came back and gave me another injection of a different medicine and told me to wait 30 minutes. That didn't work either. He came back and told me he was going to give me another epidural and had me sit up so he could remove the one I had and then start all over again.
At this point the pain was indescribable. Painful contractions almost nonstop. Because of the Pitocin I never got a break. When getting an epidural you have to sit up and hold still. I was having a very hard time doing that because of the pain I was in. I started sobbing and looked up and Steve was crying too - he later told me it was because he felt so badly for me. I was begging for relief (literally begging the anesthesiologist to just do it) when all of a sudden I had to push. HAD. TO. PUSH.
The nurse could have held a gun to my head and told me she would shoot me if I pushed and I still would have pushed. It was like a primal animal instinct and I just started screaming that I had to push and that I was pushing and the nurses kept yelling at me to not push. I had 3 rounds where I was sitting up, bearing down and pushing before the epidural was done. To this day I'm not sure why he finished and just didn't stop. It was so painful holding still and pushing while sitting up.
The nurses called the doctor on call and figured she probably wouldn't make it on time so they had the "doc in the box" come in just in case. Luckily the doctor on call was there almost immediately and I pushed one round and I could see her manually making me wider with her hands. I could still feel everything and I told her I just wanted the baby out. She told me that I didn't even have to wait for another contraction, so I just pushed and she pulled her out.
And then I went numb.
I didn't have to have stitches at all (probably thanks to her manually pulling me open farther) and the baby was healthy. Charlotte Hazel Hoffman was born on 9-7-14 at 12:32 pm and was 7lbs 12 oz and 21 inches (like Van, she was born the day before I was set to be induced and Steve was at work and had to come home when my water broke). I had a little bit of a hard time trying to hold her and nurse her because I was incredibly numb at that point, but we got to snuggle for an hour or so before they took her to clean her up and do all the things they do.
Our stay at the hospital was great - we did a good job nursing and Charlotte only lost 4 oz, so she got lots of colostrum and she passed all her tests with flying colors. I wasn't depressed before leaving like I was with Van. I think a huge part of it was the success we had with nursing and also because I knew better what I was doing.
Charlotte is now almost 4 months old and is such a blessing and joy to our family. She has a full head of hair and is so smiley and happy. She sleeps through the night and is so good about not being held quite as much as Van was (because my time is divided between holding Charlotte and playing with Van). She likes to be part of the action though, so she's either on the floor with us or sitting in her "Sit Me Up" chair.
I'm not sure we'll have a 3rd (if I was younger it would be a no brainer)...I told Steve I need one year not to be pregnant and I want to lose weight and get into shape. We'll revisit in the fall and see where we are. At that point I'll be 38 and I don't want to get pregnant or deliver after 40 so we'll have a year to make it happen if we want another one. I'm not even sure how easy it will be for me to get pregnant then. We'll see.
In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy the two I have - they sure do keep us busy! God I love my kids! I always say they are the loves of my life (not sure how much Steve likes that - ha).
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