9 Weeks, 4 Days

Crazy to think that in a few days I'll be 25% done with the pregnancy (not that I'm counting).

My ultrasound went well...I was so nervous up until the day of, but I was eerily calm at the ultrasound. It's such a nerve-wracking experience once you've had 2 miscarriages - it has definitely taken the joy out of moments like that.

The ultrasound tech immediately went to the baby and said that she saw a heartbeat and that the baby looked to be the appropriate size. Then she did the boring things (measuring my ovaries and things like that) before going back to the baby. I'm measuring right on time - and my due date didn't change. The heartbeat was 179, which was perfect. The baby was upside down and the tech said she could see part of my placenta (it is still developing, so it isn't complete) and said it looked to be anterior again (which is what it was with Van and prevented me from feeling him much - and was the reason I had multiple non-stress tests - ugh!).

I need to go back and look to see what Van's heart rate was during my first appointment. I think it was similar. The old wives tale is that a faster heart rate means girl and a slower heart rate means boys, but 179 is pretty fast and I ended up with a boy, so not sure how accurate that is.

The nurse we met with after was cool and didn't go through everything with us again (since we have a 9 month old). She said that the take-home packet was exactly the same still. I did a PAP smear, peed in a cup and we were free to go.

Unfortunately earlier this week my dr called and I have a UTI, which can cause pre-term labor (which speaking of, I didn't take my antibiotics at all today - great job!). I have never had one (that I know of) and have no symptoms. I've since read that if you have one during early pregnancy than the odds of having more throughout is much higher. And some women just end up taking antibiotics their entire pregnancy because of it. Since my 7 day dose was $40 after our insurance, I really hope that this clears it up. Of course, remembering to take it will help quite a bit. At least I remember to take my pre-natals!

My morning sickness has been awful and not as bad all at the same time. Much of the same - not as intense, but all day long (off and on). Some days are pretty much all day, and others are not. Yesterday was an unusually good day...only sick for maybe an hour. It's a double-edge sword. Being sick is an indication that things are great, but feeling like shit sucks. When I have an unexpected good day, instead of being happy for the small break, I'm nervous that something is wrong. In some ways I hope to feel like crap again tomorrow. And when I do, I'll wish I felt better.

I actually started this entry at 1 am (couldn't sleep) and now it's 2:45 (had to take over an hour break because Van woke up and is actually currently standing in his crib, but my patience to rock him is about an hour or so - JUST GO TO SLEEP). I need to bite the bullet and start to let Van put himself to sleep, but the whole cry-it-out method sounds awful to me and I don't think I could do it. Of course even though Van isn't crying now, I'm ignoring him. He rarely cries - my mom said it's because he doesn't have to - as soon as he sits or stands up, I go in there. But, if I catch him early, he's so much easier to rock back to sleep - except for tonight.

My point is, I've been awake for almost 2 hours and I feel fine...makes me super nervous! I just want to get to 12 weeks. My next appointment is a week from this upcoming Friday (so a little less than 2 weeks). I'll hear the heartbeat with the doppler and last time I was able to find the heartbeat at home with my doppler right after. I tried to find it the other day, but wasn't successful. It's hard this early, but it's something else that makes me nervous.

I did talk to my doctor about my pregnancy insomnia and she prescribed me Ambien. I haven't even filled the prescription yet because I'm afraid of the side effects. She told me that she has taken it before and she did things in her sleep she never remembered (like peel an entire grapefruit in one big peel and eating it and she only found out because she left the peel on the counter). Makes me nervous with Van - and my husband is such a deep sleeper that I don't think he would notice if I got up and started doing things.

She also said I could take Benedryl, which I have, but it doesn't do much for me. It helps me fall asleep, but I have no trouble with that. It's staying asleep that I have issues with (I'm usually up from 1-3 or 3-5). Not a huge deal on the weekends, but when I have to work the next day, it's hard. I could try to take another Benedryl when I wake up, but I haven't yet. Not sure if it would make me too tired the next day. I could try that on a weekend I guess.

Overall, I prefer not to take drugs when pregnant, but not sleeping for 40 weeks (and then for a few months after) is hard. Basically a year of little sleep. We'll see if I can last without breaking down and trying the Ambien (I could start with like 1/4 of a pill and see if that's enough to just keep me asleep).

I have an appointment on Friday for my Maternity21 test (the blood tests that will let me know if there are any chromosomal abnormalities and will also tell us the gender). Unfortuneately I need to reschedule. My doctor's office is in a hospital and since it's flu season, kids under the age of 18 are not allowed. I called to make sure (my husband works, my mom is in FL and my MIL is having cataract surgery next week so I do not have a babysitter) I couldn't bring him and the doctor's office couldn't tell me one way or another. While they are technically in the hospital, they are in a wing that is simply doctor's offices, so I'm not even really in the hospital.

They connected me to the front desk and they thought it would be fine, but there are seriously signs everywhere that say those under 18 are not allowed in. I do not want to drive 45 minutes to find out that I can't go in, so I'm just going to reschedule. Sort of annoying that I have to reschedule to a day that I work just because my son can't go with me. I get it, but that's definitely an inconvenience of having a doctor's office in a hospital. Glad flu season is almost over. I am off one day a week and it seems silly to not schedule my appointments on that day, and there will be some appointments where Van has to come with me.

Okay, Van is just sitting in his crib waiting for me. I should just let him figure it out, but I want to go to bed and I won't be able to fall asleep if he's still awake, so it's just easier if I spend 10 minutes rocking him to sleep. Why is he not tired? So annoying. Why am I not tired? Even more annoying.