I need to stop googling. I am obsessed with googling thing like "clomid and sperm improvement". I read studies that say there is no scientific evidence that Clomid help sperm quailty and then I find myself on the fertility message boards reading about other people's experiences and I'm driving myself crazy.
One woman swore up and down that when her husband removed soy from his diet, his sperm quality increased and I seriously thought about not making the healthy turkey meatballs that I drizzle in this yummy soy dressing, but that's just ridiculous.
I never thought I would have to google about how to improve sperm quality - ugh. It's going to be a long week until we get the results!
I have thrown myself into eating healthy and working out the past few weeks. I had great success the first week - I was down about 8 pounds. The second week? Eh, so far I've gained a little less than a pound.
Seriously?
It's not possible because I've only between consuming between 1,200 - 1,400 calories per day and I've worked out the past 13 days straight. And I've been doing hard workouts where I burn a minimum of 500 calories.
I looked up my BMR (which was figured just using my weight, height, gender and age) and it is around 2,500. So if I burn 2,500 calories a day doing nothing and add in my exercise, then that's 3,000 calories per day that I burn. If I'm eating 1,500 calories (because I like simple math), then my deficit is 1,500 calories.
You have to burn 3,500 calories to lose a pound. I would do that in approximately 2 days (but really more like 1.5 since I eat less and burn closer to 800 calories per workout).
There are other factors - like muscle-building, water retention, etc - but the bottom line is that I just want to see a smaller number on the scale. I wish I wasn't so tied to the scale but it's the only "proof" I have that I'm losing weight - it's too early to see a difference in my clothes.
I'm feeling better though - I like eating "clean" and working out again. I'm getting more energy and I'm feeling more in shape - sort of like I did when I trained for my half marathons. Part of me wanted to go for a run today, but I was so tired from my 1.5 hour workout this morning (deep water aerobics, which sounds easy, but I do it without a belt to hold me up, so I tread water the entire time - the instructor said that I probably burned at least 1,200 calories, but I don't know for sure - myfitnesspal said it was about 800, so that's what I went with).
Steve is desperate for a "cheat meal" so I told him if he agrees to swim a mile with me tomorrow then we can make homemade pizza (so good and not really bad for you - just higher in calories that my usual dinner) and open a good bottle of wine for dinner. Pizza and wine - sounds so good! I'll be over my 1,200 calories probably (unless I can eat very little for breakfast and lunch), but I think it's good to splurge every once in awhile.
When I lost 100 pounds, I had an all-out cheat meal once a week and still lost 100 pounds in 10 months - 1 bad meal out of 21 a week is still really good. And a fuck of a lot better then I had been doing!
One of the things I hate most about dieting or doing Weight Watchers is how much I think about food - it's really exhausting. I plan and track every bite and every meal and it would be nice to just eat without having to worry about it. But if I don't worry about it, I gain weight. It's a vicious cycle.
I wish I lost a pound with every good decision I make. That just seems so much more fair. For example, last night we went to this outdoor symphony thing with my friends, who were eating chips, cookies, sub sandwiches and drinking beers. I had grilled chicken, veggies a 64 calorie beer (just one) and a 90 calorie sugar free brownie.
Seriously? That should be an automatic loss of a pound, right? Not a gain of one!!
Part of me thinks I should have just had a fucking cookie...
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
A Family that Clomids Together...
What I didn't talk about in my last post was my husband's fertility issues.
My doctor suggested that he get checked first since it was easier and less expensive. He gave his sample and we found that he had a high number of abnormal sperm (circle swimmers as my doctor would say).
Everything else was normal and actually looked really good. He went to a urologist for a further physical exam and a blood test, and that's when we discovered he has low testosterone. Like really low, which is dangerous because it can cause osteoporosis and heart issues (I don't remember exactly what kind of issues).
Typically the "cure" is testosterone, but you can't take it around pregnant women or if your wife/partner is trying to get pregnant. As an alternative the doctor prescribed him Clomid, and after taking it for two months, his testosterone level was normal. He had to have a normal testosterone level for a few months until he could do another semen analysis, which he did a few weeks ago.
He meets with the doctor July 31 to get the results. There is no guarantee that the low testosterone caused high number of abnormal sperm, but the doctor felt there could definitely be a correlation.
I went to my doctor Monday and she didn't even do my PAP, we just talked about the next steps and my blood tests. She agreed that I probably have "a little PCOS" but that there was no need to test me for it because the cure is Clomid (perhaps we can get a family discount?). She never talks about my weight, but when I brought it up she agreed that losing weight would probably help.
You can only take Clomid for a max of six cycles (and only three that you ovulate - so if it takes you two months on Clomid before you start ovulating, you'll be on it for five months). That being said, she won't start me on it until we get Steve's results. I only have a finite number of months with Clomid, so his sperm needs to be good. If it's not good then we'll have to go to a fertility specialist and we'll probably have to do IUI (inter-uterine insemination - basically they take Steve's sample and wash it so there are only good sperm left and inject it in my uterus right before I ovulate).
So basically Clomid is definitely in my future - just depends on whether it's my next cycle or if we have to wait to see the fertility doctor (he's so popular, I bet it will take months to get in, which is heartbreaking). Of course Clomid is a risk since I do ovulate sometimes (seriously, I just was pregnant 5 months ago) and my gyno can't monitor the number of eggs released. If we are not successful on Clomid, we can do injectables with the fertility doctor. She said it was between $2k - $3k each. I'm hoping there is just one per month!!!
She said we "would have no problems getting pregnant on injectables", but we're going to start with Clomid. I heard that IUI's are about $600, which isn't that bad. So...more waiting for now. I'm not supposed to start my next period until August 3, so if Steve gets the all clear, I could be on Clomid soon.
I was also worried about staying pregnant and she told me that when I start taking Clomid, I will come in every month on day 21 for a blood test to confirm ovulation (if I don't ovulate then they'll up my dosage). As soon as I get a positive result, then I'll come in for more blood work and they'll supplement me with progesterone if needed (and I'll probably be tested weekly).
That made me feel better, so we decided to try naturally one last time since I'm ovualting (supposedly) this week anyway, but I'm not expecting to get pregnant. I feel better after talking to my doctor. I'm a little more positive now. The doctor said we both have minor problems. Seems like a miracle that we were able to get pregnant in the first place (Steve wasn't on Clomid then either). Although not really sure I'd call that experience a miracle. July 31st will determine our next step. It's going to be a long week and a half!!
My doctor suggested that he get checked first since it was easier and less expensive. He gave his sample and we found that he had a high number of abnormal sperm (circle swimmers as my doctor would say).
Everything else was normal and actually looked really good. He went to a urologist for a further physical exam and a blood test, and that's when we discovered he has low testosterone. Like really low, which is dangerous because it can cause osteoporosis and heart issues (I don't remember exactly what kind of issues).
Typically the "cure" is testosterone, but you can't take it around pregnant women or if your wife/partner is trying to get pregnant. As an alternative the doctor prescribed him Clomid, and after taking it for two months, his testosterone level was normal. He had to have a normal testosterone level for a few months until he could do another semen analysis, which he did a few weeks ago.
He meets with the doctor July 31 to get the results. There is no guarantee that the low testosterone caused high number of abnormal sperm, but the doctor felt there could definitely be a correlation.
I went to my doctor Monday and she didn't even do my PAP, we just talked about the next steps and my blood tests. She agreed that I probably have "a little PCOS" but that there was no need to test me for it because the cure is Clomid (perhaps we can get a family discount?). She never talks about my weight, but when I brought it up she agreed that losing weight would probably help.
You can only take Clomid for a max of six cycles (and only three that you ovulate - so if it takes you two months on Clomid before you start ovulating, you'll be on it for five months). That being said, she won't start me on it until we get Steve's results. I only have a finite number of months with Clomid, so his sperm needs to be good. If it's not good then we'll have to go to a fertility specialist and we'll probably have to do IUI (inter-uterine insemination - basically they take Steve's sample and wash it so there are only good sperm left and inject it in my uterus right before I ovulate).
So basically Clomid is definitely in my future - just depends on whether it's my next cycle or if we have to wait to see the fertility doctor (he's so popular, I bet it will take months to get in, which is heartbreaking). Of course Clomid is a risk since I do ovulate sometimes (seriously, I just was pregnant 5 months ago) and my gyno can't monitor the number of eggs released. If we are not successful on Clomid, we can do injectables with the fertility doctor. She said it was between $2k - $3k each. I'm hoping there is just one per month!!!
She said we "would have no problems getting pregnant on injectables", but we're going to start with Clomid. I heard that IUI's are about $600, which isn't that bad. So...more waiting for now. I'm not supposed to start my next period until August 3, so if Steve gets the all clear, I could be on Clomid soon.
I was also worried about staying pregnant and she told me that when I start taking Clomid, I will come in every month on day 21 for a blood test to confirm ovulation (if I don't ovulate then they'll up my dosage). As soon as I get a positive result, then I'll come in for more blood work and they'll supplement me with progesterone if needed (and I'll probably be tested weekly).
That made me feel better, so we decided to try naturally one last time since I'm ovualting (supposedly) this week anyway, but I'm not expecting to get pregnant. I feel better after talking to my doctor. I'm a little more positive now. The doctor said we both have minor problems. Seems like a miracle that we were able to get pregnant in the first place (Steve wasn't on Clomid then either). Although not really sure I'd call that experience a miracle. July 31st will determine our next step. It's going to be a long week and a half!!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Trying to get Pregnant
If you want to read about my 20's, my old blog is here: http://singlegirl.diaryland.com/ Man, sometimes I miss those days!
Now I'm 34, married and trying to get pregnant.
Steve and I got married 10 months ago and the first year has been really good. I would say perfect except that we've been trying to get pregnant since our wedding night.
Like many people, I sort of thought I would get pregnant right away. My periods were regular - like clock-work even - and I've never had any issues "down there." The first few months it didn't happen I was mildly disappointed, but still had hope. The holidays passed and each month I would get more and more depressed when I saw the first spot of blood.
Then in February I started bleeding a week early - at first it was just a little and I was over joyed - I thought it was implantation bleeding. But then the bleeding got worse and worse and I had cramping and bloating and it reminded me of the ruptured ovarian cyst I had a few years prior (wait, I guess that was one issue that I had "down there"). I called my gyno and she scheduled an internal ultrasound the next week.
I went in and we found that was no fluid and everything looked fine. They could even seen where I had ovulated (on my right ovary). She said it could have been an early miscarrage, but she couldn't say for sure.
Because I had my "period" a week early I wasn't sure when to expect my period. In fact Steve and I didn't try really hard that month...I sort of figured I needed my body to reset and get back to normal. About 5 weeks passed and I had no period. It was an unusually warm March, so we had planned to grill and have a few beers on the back deck.
For fun (not really - I hate those things) I took a pregnancy test and almost passed out when I saw a faint second line. I think I screamed something like, "Holy fucking shit" and Steve came running upstairs. We went to the drugstore and bought 4 more tests and I took them all and got positive results (I also took more in the middle of the night and the next day). I guess I couldn't believe that we were finally pregnant. Especially after the weird "period" and not really trying that hard.
I was a happy pregnant woman for a few days - I found out on a Wednesday and I started bleeding on Saturday and confirmed that I miscarried on Monday (I went in for blood tests that day, but peed on a stick and got :"not pregnant" in the result window that night). I passed it naturally the following Friday, literally right before we left for spring break.
We went to DC to visit my brother and I spent the week sightseeing, drinking and eating and pretending like I didn't have a miscarriage. When we got back I went back to my doctor and she told me to wait one cycle before trying again. I really thought I would get pregnant again on the first try. When it didn't happen, I was devestated.
Once that happened, I finally grieved about my miscarriage and had a really, really sad week or two. It was something I needed to process though. That was in May and since then I haven't really had a normal period.
I'm not ovulating anymore...I decided to use an ovulation predictor kit in June (which was sort of pointless because Steve and I literally have sex either every day or every other day on day 10 - 21) just to see what it said...well, it said I never ovualted. I called my doctor and went in for blood tests the past couple of weeks. My first round of results (day 3) were good. I have good levels of FSH, LH and thyroid and something else. My day 21 test was for progesterone and it came back incredibly low (6.6 and it's supposed to be 14). And I got my period early and my left ovary has been hurting.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I can't wait to get answers. Well, I know she's not going to know anything tomorrow - more tests will have to be scheduled, but I can't wait to get started on the next steps.
The truth is, I'm desperate to have kids. I know I just got married, but I've wanted to be a mom forever. I honestly feel like my life will be completely pointless if I don't have kids. I'm also sort of a glass-half-empty type person, which I hate. Each month when I get my period, I'm so depressed for a few days. I hate feeling like that. I wish I could cheer up and be optimistic, but it's just so difficult. I'm not built that way.
When I got the news I wasn't ovulating it was awful. I've been crying off and on for the past several days - I feel like it's a death sentence. Which is so dramatic, I know, but I'm just so frustrated.
My theory is that I have PCOS - I hope I don't, but I bet I do. I've been struggling with my weight forever. At one point I weighed 309 pounds. I lost 110 pounds and got down to 200 and I was healthy. I was a size 10 (I have a very hourglass shaped figure and large boobs) and ran 9 half marathons and had no medical conditions.
I hit 100 pounds down at my 30th birthday, so it wasn't that long ago. I kept it off for 2 years and then it started creeping back on...today I weigh 273 pounds, but I still consider myself somewhat healthy. It sounds riduclous, I know, but I don't have high cholesterol, am not diabetic (or pre-diabetic), do not have high blood pressure, etc. I workout (I swam a mile today for example) and try to eat as healthy as I can.
I love my husband, but he loves to eat (and loves going out to eat), but he is blessed with a very fast metabolism and can do that. I enjoyed that lifestyle with him the past few years, but obviously I need to get back to my old healthy habits. He's so supportive of me too - especially now since my weight could be a factor in our infertility.
I don't know much about PCOS, but I do know that it can be caused be obesity and not ovulating is a symptom. That's the only symptom I have, but that's the biggest one! The test for it is a 2 hour glucose test, so hopefully I can do that this week.
PCOS can be fixed by Clomid (helps you ovulate) and I can take progesterone, but I can't decide if I should lose 70 pounds really fast or just take the drugs. Keep in mind I haven't talked to my doctor so I don't even know what my options are. Maybe I don't have PCOS and my body just needs a kickstart after the miscarriage (the nurse told me that when she called me about my results).
Another thought is that my left ovary isn't working. I know for sure my right ovary was the one that released the egg when I got pregnant since it was verified by the internal ultrasound. And my left ovary has been throbbing off and on for the past 8 months or so (since we started trying). I think that can also be a sign of PCOS though...
I guess I'll just have to wait until tomorrow. I'm nervous. I can probably lose 70 pounds in about 4 months if I really try (it'll be awful, but I think I can do it - truth be told, I weighed 181 last Monday, so I've lost 8 pounds in 6 days). I'm really motivated. I want a baby so badly I will do whatever I have to.
The other thing though is that we can't just write a check for $30k to have in-vitro or adopt, so I need to find out ASAP what's going on so I can get the money (selling drugs, my body or robbing banks might be in my future).
That's my story right now...there are a few other things, but that's enough for now. Tomorrow is one of those days that will change the course of my life. At least I hope it is.
Now I'm 34, married and trying to get pregnant.
Steve and I got married 10 months ago and the first year has been really good. I would say perfect except that we've been trying to get pregnant since our wedding night.
Like many people, I sort of thought I would get pregnant right away. My periods were regular - like clock-work even - and I've never had any issues "down there." The first few months it didn't happen I was mildly disappointed, but still had hope. The holidays passed and each month I would get more and more depressed when I saw the first spot of blood.
Then in February I started bleeding a week early - at first it was just a little and I was over joyed - I thought it was implantation bleeding. But then the bleeding got worse and worse and I had cramping and bloating and it reminded me of the ruptured ovarian cyst I had a few years prior (wait, I guess that was one issue that I had "down there"). I called my gyno and she scheduled an internal ultrasound the next week.
I went in and we found that was no fluid and everything looked fine. They could even seen where I had ovulated (on my right ovary). She said it could have been an early miscarrage, but she couldn't say for sure.
Because I had my "period" a week early I wasn't sure when to expect my period. In fact Steve and I didn't try really hard that month...I sort of figured I needed my body to reset and get back to normal. About 5 weeks passed and I had no period. It was an unusually warm March, so we had planned to grill and have a few beers on the back deck.
For fun (not really - I hate those things) I took a pregnancy test and almost passed out when I saw a faint second line. I think I screamed something like, "Holy fucking shit" and Steve came running upstairs. We went to the drugstore and bought 4 more tests and I took them all and got positive results (I also took more in the middle of the night and the next day). I guess I couldn't believe that we were finally pregnant. Especially after the weird "period" and not really trying that hard.
I was a happy pregnant woman for a few days - I found out on a Wednesday and I started bleeding on Saturday and confirmed that I miscarried on Monday (I went in for blood tests that day, but peed on a stick and got :"not pregnant" in the result window that night). I passed it naturally the following Friday, literally right before we left for spring break.
We went to DC to visit my brother and I spent the week sightseeing, drinking and eating and pretending like I didn't have a miscarriage. When we got back I went back to my doctor and she told me to wait one cycle before trying again. I really thought I would get pregnant again on the first try. When it didn't happen, I was devestated.
Once that happened, I finally grieved about my miscarriage and had a really, really sad week or two. It was something I needed to process though. That was in May and since then I haven't really had a normal period.
I'm not ovulating anymore...I decided to use an ovulation predictor kit in June (which was sort of pointless because Steve and I literally have sex either every day or every other day on day 10 - 21) just to see what it said...well, it said I never ovualted. I called my doctor and went in for blood tests the past couple of weeks. My first round of results (day 3) were good. I have good levels of FSH, LH and thyroid and something else. My day 21 test was for progesterone and it came back incredibly low (6.6 and it's supposed to be 14). And I got my period early and my left ovary has been hurting.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I can't wait to get answers. Well, I know she's not going to know anything tomorrow - more tests will have to be scheduled, but I can't wait to get started on the next steps.
The truth is, I'm desperate to have kids. I know I just got married, but I've wanted to be a mom forever. I honestly feel like my life will be completely pointless if I don't have kids. I'm also sort of a glass-half-empty type person, which I hate. Each month when I get my period, I'm so depressed for a few days. I hate feeling like that. I wish I could cheer up and be optimistic, but it's just so difficult. I'm not built that way.
When I got the news I wasn't ovulating it was awful. I've been crying off and on for the past several days - I feel like it's a death sentence. Which is so dramatic, I know, but I'm just so frustrated.
My theory is that I have PCOS - I hope I don't, but I bet I do. I've been struggling with my weight forever. At one point I weighed 309 pounds. I lost 110 pounds and got down to 200 and I was healthy. I was a size 10 (I have a very hourglass shaped figure and large boobs) and ran 9 half marathons and had no medical conditions.
I hit 100 pounds down at my 30th birthday, so it wasn't that long ago. I kept it off for 2 years and then it started creeping back on...today I weigh 273 pounds, but I still consider myself somewhat healthy. It sounds riduclous, I know, but I don't have high cholesterol, am not diabetic (or pre-diabetic), do not have high blood pressure, etc. I workout (I swam a mile today for example) and try to eat as healthy as I can.
I love my husband, but he loves to eat (and loves going out to eat), but he is blessed with a very fast metabolism and can do that. I enjoyed that lifestyle with him the past few years, but obviously I need to get back to my old healthy habits. He's so supportive of me too - especially now since my weight could be a factor in our infertility.
I don't know much about PCOS, but I do know that it can be caused be obesity and not ovulating is a symptom. That's the only symptom I have, but that's the biggest one! The test for it is a 2 hour glucose test, so hopefully I can do that this week.
PCOS can be fixed by Clomid (helps you ovulate) and I can take progesterone, but I can't decide if I should lose 70 pounds really fast or just take the drugs. Keep in mind I haven't talked to my doctor so I don't even know what my options are. Maybe I don't have PCOS and my body just needs a kickstart after the miscarriage (the nurse told me that when she called me about my results).
Another thought is that my left ovary isn't working. I know for sure my right ovary was the one that released the egg when I got pregnant since it was verified by the internal ultrasound. And my left ovary has been throbbing off and on for the past 8 months or so (since we started trying). I think that can also be a sign of PCOS though...
I guess I'll just have to wait until tomorrow. I'm nervous. I can probably lose 70 pounds in about 4 months if I really try (it'll be awful, but I think I can do it - truth be told, I weighed 181 last Monday, so I've lost 8 pounds in 6 days). I'm really motivated. I want a baby so badly I will do whatever I have to.
The other thing though is that we can't just write a check for $30k to have in-vitro or adopt, so I need to find out ASAP what's going on so I can get the money (selling drugs, my body or robbing banks might be in my future).
That's my story right now...there are a few other things, but that's enough for now. Tomorrow is one of those days that will change the course of my life. At least I hope it is.
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