I am starting a Whole30 tomorrow - my first, and I'm pretty excited.
A brief history about me. I'm relatively healthy - especially for someone who is overweight. I don't have high blood pressure, I'm not diabetic or pre-diabetic, my cholesterol isn't too bad (considering my entire family is on medication and I'm not, although it is a little higher than it should be), I don't have any major health issues, etc. I'm incredibly lucky because today, I weigh 304 lbs. That's a lot for anyone, but especially a 37 year old 5'7" female.
I have battled with weight my entire life and I have come to terms with 2 things:
1. I will never ever ever ever ever be able to wear many things (2 piece bathing suit, mini skirt, midriff top, etc - although at 37 that probably wouldn't be something I would choose at this point in my life anyway) due to lose skin, stretch marks, etc. I have done permanent damage to my body.
2. I will never look super thin. I will never be supermodel skinny. Unless I'm dead and have been dead for awhile. I don't have that body type. I'm curvy. Kim Kardashian curvy. It's fine. It's in, so I guess that's good. Hopefully curves and butts don't go out of style any time soon.
About 7 years ago, I lost 109 lbs. I started at 309 and got down to 200. I looked good. And yes, I realize that 200 is most people's starting point, but it didn't look bad on me. I was a solid size 12, but most importantly I was healthy and in shape. I had blood work done and I was perfect - all my hormone levels, etc. - perfection. The doctors were really impressed. I was running 30 miles a week, lifting weights and I ran 9 half marathons.
But, I was still considered to be morbidly obese by the official guidelines, which really pissed me off for awhile, but I realized that this was probably my best. I was happy. And healthy. And in shape.
I kept it off for a few years and then 4 years ago, I met my husband (gained weight while dating) and then after we married, we started trying to have kids. In the last 2.5 years, I've been pregnant almost the entire time - miscarriage, baby, miscarriage and baby. I have been pregnant the entire month of August for the past 3 years. That has taken such a toll on my body.
I miscarried the first while working out, so I never worked out again while pregnant. It wasn't worth the risk to me. I was so sick during my first successful pregnancy that I lost 20 pounds. And then gained 40 after he was born because it was so nice to be able to eat again. I lost the additional 20, had a miscarriage, got pregnant again and gained 40 pounds with Charlotte. It was worth it - not feeling like death for 9 months is worth 40 pounds!
My weight has settled around 285 the past few years until now. 304. I'm 5 pounds away from my all time high (well, except when I was pregnant with Charlotte but I don't count that).
But more than that, I hurt. I had PGP while pregnant with Charlotte and it hasn't gone away. I'm sluggish and slow and I miss feeling good. Feeling in shape. Having energy. Now that I have kids, it's more important than ever for me to be healthy and in shape.
The problem is I haven't felt motivated to do anything about it - until now. I have high hopes for the Whole30 - and the focus of this blog for the next 30 days is to chronicle how I feel and how it's going.
Here is what I would like to happen:
1. Weight loss. I have hope that I will lose a lot. In the past, my personal experience has been that when I gain a lot quickly, I also lose a lot quickly. I would love to see 279 at the end of this. I realize that is 25 pounds, but I am hopeful. 279 because I haven't been able to break out of the 280's in a few years I think going below that will help keep me motivated.
2. Reduce inflammation in my joints and ligaments. Supposedly this will improve too. If I can greatly reduce my pain, that would make me so happy! Not sure this will help my PGP, but I hope so!
3. Have more energy and sleep better. I have 2 kids under the age of 2. I don't need to be awake at night when they're asleep. And I want to keep up with them.
4. Reduce my addiction to chocolate. I used to not like chocolate. Most of my life, I never gave it a thought and never snacked on it. I went years without eating a single piece of Halloween candy. During my pregnancy with Van, I craved it and now it's like crack to me. Truly, it's awful. I used to think people with chocolate cravings were ridiculous and now I realize that's no joke. Supposedly the Whole30 will cure my addiction.
Bottom line, I want to be healthy, feel better and lose weight.
I just hope I can not eat dairy, sugar, grains, legumes and alcohol for 30 days. Cheese and alcohol will be the hardest. And I don't even drink that much, but I've basically had to avoid alcohol the past 2.5 years so it'll be hard to give it up again. But I've had plenty of practice, so it'll be fine.
I planned and prepped for the upcoming week. I am going to follow the rules as much as I can. I will admit that there are 3 things this week that I will eat that are not 100% sugar-free. I bought nitrate and preservative free bacon and sausage, but there are still trace amounts of sugar in both. I also could not find a sugar-free Dijon mustard (all I've seen are made with white wine). Regular yellow mustard is sugar-free, so I could use that instead, but yellow mustard lime chicken doesn't sound nearly as appealing as Dijon mustard lime chicken.
I have since read how to make your own homemade breakfast sausage without sugar and read that I can maybe buy sugar-free bacon at a butcher shop (or use pancetta instead). I will do both of these next week.
I am going to follow the rules the best I can, but I'm not going to kill myself trying to find a food item. I don't have time. I work full-time, have 2 babies and I live in the Midwest (meaning I would think that people who live in bigger cities or in more progressive cities would have more access to these types of food). That being said, I have a Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, Fresh Market, Fresh Thyme and multiple large grocery chains in my city. However, I don't have time to go to all of them each week (and they are spread out. Even though Whole Foods is in my city, it would take me 40 minutes to get there). I think once I start and see what I like, I can go and buy in bulk for the rest of the month. At least I hope so.
This week I made it to Trader Joe's and Kroger and I am missing 3 things I wanted for this week:
ghee
dried coconut (with no sugar added)
ranch dressing (Whole30 compliant, Whole Foods or online)
But I can live without those until I shop again this weekend. Although I still don't really know what I'm doing and Trader Joe's was NUTS on a Saturday - especially with a stroller and a kid in a cart. I felt pressure to keep moving and didn't really get to look at what I wanted.
I'm excited for tomorrow. I'm really hoping this is the push I need to get that fire again. When people asked me how I lost so much weight the first time (100 lbs in 10 months), it really wasn't hard because I was so motivated. I haven't been able to find that motivation the past few years.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Charlotte's Birth Story
Wow, a lot changed after my last post. I definitely did not feel great at the end of my pregnancy! My biggest issue was PGP (pelvic girdle pain). Basically it's when your body produces too much relaxin (pregnancy hormone) and your ligaments get too relaxed and can pop out of place. Basically it hurt to move. Getting up in the middle of the night was excruciating. It took me a good two minutes to get enough courage to take my first step - I could barely walk. Once I got going it was fine, but those first few steps were awful (my hips were out of place after being immobile for awhile).
My work was interesting this summer - there was lots of construction, which meant no air conditioning and the bathrooms in the building were closed. However, it was one of the coolest summers on record and we barely got into the 80's all summer - I was definitely blessed that way!
And then I had my usual insomnia - I spent most of the last few months sleeping in a chair. And the worst was when I was about 9 months pregnant. I got bronchitis and was so busy at work and trying to get everything done. I was working 70-80 hour work weeks (most the extra hours at night after Van was in bed) and coughing so much I thought my water would break.
Somehow though I managed to gain another 15 pounds, for a total of 40. Not wonderful, but not too bad - especially considering how much I ate. I also had 3-4 non stress tests done for lack of movement. I wasn't too worried this time but it just takes a few hours and is so inconvenient. My babies need to move more!
I wanted to share my birth story before I forget too many of the details. My due date was 9-10-14 and I made it to my 39 week appointment. I had my doctor check to see how far along I was and I was less progressed than I was with Van. She said maybe 1 cm - maybe. I went ahead and scheduled an induction for Monday, September 8th. During my last appointment she swept my membranes but I'm not sure it did anything (my last appointment was on the Wednesday before and it's supposed to work within 48 hours). I also made a famous eggplant parmesan recipe that was supposed to induce labor, but that didn't work either.
I wasn't in such a hurry to give birth but I wanted to go naturally so I wouldn't have to be induced. I finished my work week and got everything done that I needed to go on maternity leave. Steve worked on Saturday and when I got out of bed to use the bathroom that morning, I lost my mucus plug and it had a little blood with it (bloody show). With Van, I went into labor 2.5 days after that happened so I knew my body was getting ready to go into labor.
Van, my mom and I went to the pool to walk around and relax - being weightless in a pool while pregnant is heavenly! All day long I just felt off. I was having cramps (they felt like period cramps) and I was uncomfortable. I kept telling my mom and friends that I thought I was in pre-labor, but nobody really believed me. That night I slept downstairs in a chair (I still had a cough from the bronchitis) and I thought every time I stood up my water would break. Needless to say I didn't sleep well. Finally around 3:30 I decided to go upstairs and get into bed. I laid down and was just about asleep when I heard and felt a pop.
I knew it was my water breaking, but I was so tired I thought if maybe I laid still nothing would come out. Nope, about 1 minute later, warm fluid came gushing out. I texted Steve and my mom and spent the next few hours getting things ready (did laundry, picked up the house, took a shower, got ready, etc). The nice thing about not having contractions is that there isn't a huge rush to get to the hospital.
We dropped Van off at my parent's house around 6:30 or so and then headed to the hospital. By the time we got checked in and the Pitocin was hooked up, it was probably around 8 or so. Steve joked that he wanted me to have the baby by 1 since that was when football started. I figured I would progress faster than I did with Van (9 hours from start to finish), but 5 hours was pushing it! Especially because when the nurses checked me, I was still only about 1 cm dilated.
I did warn the nurses that with Van I progressed really quickly, but I'm not sure they believed me. The Pitocin kicked in right away and as soon as I started feeling uncomfortable I asked for an epidural. I liked the relief but I soon learned that because my diaphragm was numb too, I couldn't cough and that was so uncomfortable. I had an itch that I couldn't scratch. Thank goodness I didn't go into labor when I was really sick!
After about 30 minutes or so I was able to cough and then I could move my legs and then I could feel the contractions. The anesthesiologist came back and didn't believe that I could feel things again. I showed him how I could move my legs and he injected more medicine into the epidural IV and told me to give it 30 minutes. It never kicked in and I was hurting so badly. Lots of contractions and they were quick.He came back and gave me another injection of a different medicine and told me to wait 30 minutes. That didn't work either. He came back and told me he was going to give me another epidural and had me sit up so he could remove the one I had and then start all over again.
At this point the pain was indescribable. Painful contractions almost nonstop. Because of the Pitocin I never got a break. When getting an epidural you have to sit up and hold still. I was having a very hard time doing that because of the pain I was in. I started sobbing and looked up and Steve was crying too - he later told me it was because he felt so badly for me. I was begging for relief (literally begging the anesthesiologist to just do it) when all of a sudden I had to push. HAD. TO. PUSH.
The nurse could have held a gun to my head and told me she would shoot me if I pushed and I still would have pushed. It was like a primal animal instinct and I just started screaming that I had to push and that I was pushing and the nurses kept yelling at me to not push. I had 3 rounds where I was sitting up, bearing down and pushing before the epidural was done. To this day I'm not sure why he finished and just didn't stop. It was so painful holding still and pushing while sitting up.
The nurses called the doctor on call and figured she probably wouldn't make it on time so they had the "doc in the box" come in just in case. Luckily the doctor on call was there almost immediately and I pushed one round and I could see her manually making me wider with her hands. I could still feel everything and I told her I just wanted the baby out. She told me that I didn't even have to wait for another contraction, so I just pushed and she pulled her out.
And then I went numb.
I didn't have to have stitches at all (probably thanks to her manually pulling me open farther) and the baby was healthy. Charlotte Hazel Hoffman was born on 9-7-14 at 12:32 pm and was 7lbs 12 oz and 21 inches (like Van, she was born the day before I was set to be induced and Steve was at work and had to come home when my water broke). I had a little bit of a hard time trying to hold her and nurse her because I was incredibly numb at that point, but we got to snuggle for an hour or so before they took her to clean her up and do all the things they do.
Our stay at the hospital was great - we did a good job nursing and Charlotte only lost 4 oz, so she got lots of colostrum and she passed all her tests with flying colors. I wasn't depressed before leaving like I was with Van. I think a huge part of it was the success we had with nursing and also because I knew better what I was doing.
Charlotte is now almost 4 months old and is such a blessing and joy to our family. She has a full head of hair and is so smiley and happy. She sleeps through the night and is so good about not being held quite as much as Van was (because my time is divided between holding Charlotte and playing with Van). She likes to be part of the action though, so she's either on the floor with us or sitting in her "Sit Me Up" chair.
I'm not sure we'll have a 3rd (if I was younger it would be a no brainer)...I told Steve I need one year not to be pregnant and I want to lose weight and get into shape. We'll revisit in the fall and see where we are. At that point I'll be 38 and I don't want to get pregnant or deliver after 40 so we'll have a year to make it happen if we want another one. I'm not even sure how easy it will be for me to get pregnant then. We'll see.
In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy the two I have - they sure do keep us busy! God I love my kids! I always say they are the loves of my life (not sure how much Steve likes that - ha).
My work was interesting this summer - there was lots of construction, which meant no air conditioning and the bathrooms in the building were closed. However, it was one of the coolest summers on record and we barely got into the 80's all summer - I was definitely blessed that way!
And then I had my usual insomnia - I spent most of the last few months sleeping in a chair. And the worst was when I was about 9 months pregnant. I got bronchitis and was so busy at work and trying to get everything done. I was working 70-80 hour work weeks (most the extra hours at night after Van was in bed) and coughing so much I thought my water would break.
Somehow though I managed to gain another 15 pounds, for a total of 40. Not wonderful, but not too bad - especially considering how much I ate. I also had 3-4 non stress tests done for lack of movement. I wasn't too worried this time but it just takes a few hours and is so inconvenient. My babies need to move more!
I wanted to share my birth story before I forget too many of the details. My due date was 9-10-14 and I made it to my 39 week appointment. I had my doctor check to see how far along I was and I was less progressed than I was with Van. She said maybe 1 cm - maybe. I went ahead and scheduled an induction for Monday, September 8th. During my last appointment she swept my membranes but I'm not sure it did anything (my last appointment was on the Wednesday before and it's supposed to work within 48 hours). I also made a famous eggplant parmesan recipe that was supposed to induce labor, but that didn't work either.
I wasn't in such a hurry to give birth but I wanted to go naturally so I wouldn't have to be induced. I finished my work week and got everything done that I needed to go on maternity leave. Steve worked on Saturday and when I got out of bed to use the bathroom that morning, I lost my mucus plug and it had a little blood with it (bloody show). With Van, I went into labor 2.5 days after that happened so I knew my body was getting ready to go into labor.
Van, my mom and I went to the pool to walk around and relax - being weightless in a pool while pregnant is heavenly! All day long I just felt off. I was having cramps (they felt like period cramps) and I was uncomfortable. I kept telling my mom and friends that I thought I was in pre-labor, but nobody really believed me. That night I slept downstairs in a chair (I still had a cough from the bronchitis) and I thought every time I stood up my water would break. Needless to say I didn't sleep well. Finally around 3:30 I decided to go upstairs and get into bed. I laid down and was just about asleep when I heard and felt a pop.
I knew it was my water breaking, but I was so tired I thought if maybe I laid still nothing would come out. Nope, about 1 minute later, warm fluid came gushing out. I texted Steve and my mom and spent the next few hours getting things ready (did laundry, picked up the house, took a shower, got ready, etc). The nice thing about not having contractions is that there isn't a huge rush to get to the hospital.
We dropped Van off at my parent's house around 6:30 or so and then headed to the hospital. By the time we got checked in and the Pitocin was hooked up, it was probably around 8 or so. Steve joked that he wanted me to have the baby by 1 since that was when football started. I figured I would progress faster than I did with Van (9 hours from start to finish), but 5 hours was pushing it! Especially because when the nurses checked me, I was still only about 1 cm dilated.
I did warn the nurses that with Van I progressed really quickly, but I'm not sure they believed me. The Pitocin kicked in right away and as soon as I started feeling uncomfortable I asked for an epidural. I liked the relief but I soon learned that because my diaphragm was numb too, I couldn't cough and that was so uncomfortable. I had an itch that I couldn't scratch. Thank goodness I didn't go into labor when I was really sick!
After about 30 minutes or so I was able to cough and then I could move my legs and then I could feel the contractions. The anesthesiologist came back and didn't believe that I could feel things again. I showed him how I could move my legs and he injected more medicine into the epidural IV and told me to give it 30 minutes. It never kicked in and I was hurting so badly. Lots of contractions and they were quick.He came back and gave me another injection of a different medicine and told me to wait 30 minutes. That didn't work either. He came back and told me he was going to give me another epidural and had me sit up so he could remove the one I had and then start all over again.
At this point the pain was indescribable. Painful contractions almost nonstop. Because of the Pitocin I never got a break. When getting an epidural you have to sit up and hold still. I was having a very hard time doing that because of the pain I was in. I started sobbing and looked up and Steve was crying too - he later told me it was because he felt so badly for me. I was begging for relief (literally begging the anesthesiologist to just do it) when all of a sudden I had to push. HAD. TO. PUSH.
The nurse could have held a gun to my head and told me she would shoot me if I pushed and I still would have pushed. It was like a primal animal instinct and I just started screaming that I had to push and that I was pushing and the nurses kept yelling at me to not push. I had 3 rounds where I was sitting up, bearing down and pushing before the epidural was done. To this day I'm not sure why he finished and just didn't stop. It was so painful holding still and pushing while sitting up.
The nurses called the doctor on call and figured she probably wouldn't make it on time so they had the "doc in the box" come in just in case. Luckily the doctor on call was there almost immediately and I pushed one round and I could see her manually making me wider with her hands. I could still feel everything and I told her I just wanted the baby out. She told me that I didn't even have to wait for another contraction, so I just pushed and she pulled her out.
And then I went numb.
I didn't have to have stitches at all (probably thanks to her manually pulling me open farther) and the baby was healthy. Charlotte Hazel Hoffman was born on 9-7-14 at 12:32 pm and was 7lbs 12 oz and 21 inches (like Van, she was born the day before I was set to be induced and Steve was at work and had to come home when my water broke). I had a little bit of a hard time trying to hold her and nurse her because I was incredibly numb at that point, but we got to snuggle for an hour or so before they took her to clean her up and do all the things they do.
Our stay at the hospital was great - we did a good job nursing and Charlotte only lost 4 oz, so she got lots of colostrum and she passed all her tests with flying colors. I wasn't depressed before leaving like I was with Van. I think a huge part of it was the success we had with nursing and also because I knew better what I was doing.
Charlotte is now almost 4 months old and is such a blessing and joy to our family. She has a full head of hair and is so smiley and happy. She sleeps through the night and is so good about not being held quite as much as Van was (because my time is divided between holding Charlotte and playing with Van). She likes to be part of the action though, so she's either on the floor with us or sitting in her "Sit Me Up" chair.
I'm not sure we'll have a 3rd (if I was younger it would be a no brainer)...I told Steve I need one year not to be pregnant and I want to lose weight and get into shape. We'll revisit in the fall and see where we are. At that point I'll be 38 and I don't want to get pregnant or deliver after 40 so we'll have a year to make it happen if we want another one. I'm not even sure how easy it will be for me to get pregnant then. We'll see.
In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy the two I have - they sure do keep us busy! God I love my kids! I always say they are the loves of my life (not sure how much Steve likes that - ha).
Friday, June 6, 2014
26 Weeks 2 Days
The poor second child...I am so bad at updating this! But, it's mostly because this pregnancy has been so much easier! I'm not sick, my heartburn and back issues are totally manageable thanks to Pepcid AC and my chiropractor and I'm even sleeping well still (when am able to sleep - mostly thanks to Van and his getting up at least once most nights).
I was so miserable in my first pregnancy compared to this one - it's night and day. In fact, I've gained almost 25 pounds to prove it! That's okay - I'll take feeling good even if it means weight gain. I think I was just spoiled having gained basically 0 pounds with Van.
I do have another anterior placenta which means I rarely feel the baby move again. I'm not as worried about it this time, but I bet I'll have to have a lot of non-stress tests near the end. Joy.
We did find out we're having a girl, which might explain how much better I feel. I've heard you feel different based on the extra estrogen or testosterone. I had morning sickness and the exhaustion still, but ever since 14 weeks, it's been mostly smooth sailing.
I feel like I should knock on wood at this point - surely I'm jinxing myself now!
Next week we have our gestational diabetes test and 3D (just for fun) ultrasound. After this appointment, I start going every 2 weeks! Amazing how time flies...
The other big difference is that I'm not really thinking about this pregnancy...I obsessed when I was pregnant with Van. It was new and honestly, I didn't have much else to do. Now I'm so busy with Van and I know what's going on and what to expect that I am able to live my life and not constantly think about it.
I haven't had knee pain so far, which is something I will dread if it happens. I don't think it happened until around week 32 or 34 last time, so I'm hoping to avoid it all together. That was brutal.
It's going to be a long, hot summer, but at least I get to enjoy being outside this time. Last year, Van was a newborn so I didn't really have a summer. But this year, it's full of walks, swinging on the playground, going to the pool, etc. I'm glad to have this summer with just me and Van.
Wait! I do have 2 complaints about this pregnancy - I have a weird pregnancy mask going on - it's on my cheekbones so it could be worse, but it really looks like I was drunk and decided to put on a lot of bronzer. I've had a few people tell me they thought I was experimenting with make-up. The sun makes it worse, but I just rub on some SPF 70 and go about my day. Hopefully it'll fade. If not, it'll look really weird this winter when the rest of my skin gets more pale.
My other complaint is spider veins...I have 3 areas on my legs that have broken capillaries - they are little blue/purple things...the don't stick out and are not a big vein, so they aren't varicose veins...I'm really hoping that when all this is said and done, I can get a few quick injections and have them go away. I should research this. Two of them are on my upper inner thigh, which don't bother me as much since most people don't see that area, but now I have 1 on my lower calf...sad because of running 9 half marathons and having skinny ankles, my lower legs were not bad.
Hopefully both of these issues can be taken care of.
We haven't done a ton yet to get ready for this girl - like pick out a name. We have a few we like: Mazzy, Piper, Adelaide...Steve and I both made a list of 10 names and then shared them and we don't really have the same taste in names. Trying to avoid a popular name but I don't want it to be too different (Mazzy, for that reason, is probably out). I love the name Charlotte but it's way too popular sadly.
We did convert the guest room to the nursery and moved Steve's office to the extra room downstairs (and the former office upstairs is now our guest room). I painted it a really pale/mint green and ordered a white crib (which is sitting in the box in the room) and bought a white dresser/changing table and painted the drawers pink. The accent colors are going to be different shades of pink.
My friend, who has 2 girls, both born in late summer so it's the same timing as me, gave me all her girl clothes, so I need to organize, wash, etc. There is still lots to do and my time is running out.
Looking at my posts with Van, I was exhausted around 35 weeks, so I'm going to try to have everything done by then...that means I have about 8 weeks left. I still need to finish baby proofing the house for Van, I'm going to redo his room (seems only fair) from a nursery to more of a toddler room and I need to do a few other odds and ends.
We did manage to mulch, edge and plants the flowers and vegetables this year (we did next to nothing last year since Van was just born), so at least the outside looks good.
That's really about it. My goal is to be ready to go, bags packed, etc, by 38 weeks just because my mom went 2 weeks early with me (I'm her second) and my first labor and delivery were so much like hers (pretty much to the day and hour - and even how our water broke, etc) that I can see it being the same this time too. Or it could be totally different. Either way, I want to at least be mentally prepared to go and be ready at work, etc.
Van is doing so great - I can't believe he's 13 months old! I'm so in love with him! He's just beginning to really walk and is so fast - he's the reason why I keep moving this pregnancy. I don't have time to sit down until he's asleep, which is 8:30. It's go go go all the time.
I will try to be better at posting a few more times before the new one gets here - it's nice to be able to look back at my pregnancies.
Here are a few pictures from this past year...I'm so happy he'll have a sibling to play with...I hope this new change isn't too hard on him. He has NO idea what's coming:
I was so miserable in my first pregnancy compared to this one - it's night and day. In fact, I've gained almost 25 pounds to prove it! That's okay - I'll take feeling good even if it means weight gain. I think I was just spoiled having gained basically 0 pounds with Van.
I do have another anterior placenta which means I rarely feel the baby move again. I'm not as worried about it this time, but I bet I'll have to have a lot of non-stress tests near the end. Joy.
We did find out we're having a girl, which might explain how much better I feel. I've heard you feel different based on the extra estrogen or testosterone. I had morning sickness and the exhaustion still, but ever since 14 weeks, it's been mostly smooth sailing.
I feel like I should knock on wood at this point - surely I'm jinxing myself now!
Next week we have our gestational diabetes test and 3D (just for fun) ultrasound. After this appointment, I start going every 2 weeks! Amazing how time flies...
The other big difference is that I'm not really thinking about this pregnancy...I obsessed when I was pregnant with Van. It was new and honestly, I didn't have much else to do. Now I'm so busy with Van and I know what's going on and what to expect that I am able to live my life and not constantly think about it.
I haven't had knee pain so far, which is something I will dread if it happens. I don't think it happened until around week 32 or 34 last time, so I'm hoping to avoid it all together. That was brutal.
It's going to be a long, hot summer, but at least I get to enjoy being outside this time. Last year, Van was a newborn so I didn't really have a summer. But this year, it's full of walks, swinging on the playground, going to the pool, etc. I'm glad to have this summer with just me and Van.
Wait! I do have 2 complaints about this pregnancy - I have a weird pregnancy mask going on - it's on my cheekbones so it could be worse, but it really looks like I was drunk and decided to put on a lot of bronzer. I've had a few people tell me they thought I was experimenting with make-up. The sun makes it worse, but I just rub on some SPF 70 and go about my day. Hopefully it'll fade. If not, it'll look really weird this winter when the rest of my skin gets more pale.
My other complaint is spider veins...I have 3 areas on my legs that have broken capillaries - they are little blue/purple things...the don't stick out and are not a big vein, so they aren't varicose veins...I'm really hoping that when all this is said and done, I can get a few quick injections and have them go away. I should research this. Two of them are on my upper inner thigh, which don't bother me as much since most people don't see that area, but now I have 1 on my lower calf...sad because of running 9 half marathons and having skinny ankles, my lower legs were not bad.
Hopefully both of these issues can be taken care of.
We haven't done a ton yet to get ready for this girl - like pick out a name. We have a few we like: Mazzy, Piper, Adelaide...Steve and I both made a list of 10 names and then shared them and we don't really have the same taste in names. Trying to avoid a popular name but I don't want it to be too different (Mazzy, for that reason, is probably out). I love the name Charlotte but it's way too popular sadly.
We did convert the guest room to the nursery and moved Steve's office to the extra room downstairs (and the former office upstairs is now our guest room). I painted it a really pale/mint green and ordered a white crib (which is sitting in the box in the room) and bought a white dresser/changing table and painted the drawers pink. The accent colors are going to be different shades of pink.
My friend, who has 2 girls, both born in late summer so it's the same timing as me, gave me all her girl clothes, so I need to organize, wash, etc. There is still lots to do and my time is running out.
Looking at my posts with Van, I was exhausted around 35 weeks, so I'm going to try to have everything done by then...that means I have about 8 weeks left. I still need to finish baby proofing the house for Van, I'm going to redo his room (seems only fair) from a nursery to more of a toddler room and I need to do a few other odds and ends.
We did manage to mulch, edge and plants the flowers and vegetables this year (we did next to nothing last year since Van was just born), so at least the outside looks good.
That's really about it. My goal is to be ready to go, bags packed, etc, by 38 weeks just because my mom went 2 weeks early with me (I'm her second) and my first labor and delivery were so much like hers (pretty much to the day and hour - and even how our water broke, etc) that I can see it being the same this time too. Or it could be totally different. Either way, I want to at least be mentally prepared to go and be ready at work, etc.
Van is doing so great - I can't believe he's 13 months old! I'm so in love with him! He's just beginning to really walk and is so fast - he's the reason why I keep moving this pregnancy. I don't have time to sit down until he's asleep, which is 8:30. It's go go go all the time.
I will try to be better at posting a few more times before the new one gets here - it's nice to be able to look back at my pregnancies.
Here are a few pictures from this past year...I'm so happy he'll have a sibling to play with...I hope this new change isn't too hard on him. He has NO idea what's coming:
12 months
He made the perfect Elvis for Halloween
3 months
Hellooooooooooo ladies!
9 months
6 months
6 months - and this was our Xmas card photo - he looks like an angel
Sunday, February 9, 2014
9 Weeks, 4 Days
Crazy to think that in a few days I'll be 25% done with the pregnancy (not that I'm counting).
My ultrasound went well...I was so nervous up until the day of, but I was eerily calm at the ultrasound. It's such a nerve-wracking experience once you've had 2 miscarriages - it has definitely taken the joy out of moments like that.
The ultrasound tech immediately went to the baby and said that she saw a heartbeat and that the baby looked to be the appropriate size. Then she did the boring things (measuring my ovaries and things like that) before going back to the baby. I'm measuring right on time - and my due date didn't change. The heartbeat was 179, which was perfect. The baby was upside down and the tech said she could see part of my placenta (it is still developing, so it isn't complete) and said it looked to be anterior again (which is what it was with Van and prevented me from feeling him much - and was the reason I had multiple non-stress tests - ugh!).
I need to go back and look to see what Van's heart rate was during my first appointment. I think it was similar. The old wives tale is that a faster heart rate means girl and a slower heart rate means boys, but 179 is pretty fast and I ended up with a boy, so not sure how accurate that is.
The nurse we met with after was cool and didn't go through everything with us again (since we have a 9 month old). She said that the take-home packet was exactly the same still. I did a PAP smear, peed in a cup and we were free to go.
Unfortunately earlier this week my dr called and I have a UTI, which can cause pre-term labor (which speaking of, I didn't take my antibiotics at all today - great job!). I have never had one (that I know of) and have no symptoms. I've since read that if you have one during early pregnancy than the odds of having more throughout is much higher. And some women just end up taking antibiotics their entire pregnancy because of it. Since my 7 day dose was $40 after our insurance, I really hope that this clears it up. Of course, remembering to take it will help quite a bit. At least I remember to take my pre-natals!
My morning sickness has been awful and not as bad all at the same time. Much of the same - not as intense, but all day long (off and on). Some days are pretty much all day, and others are not. Yesterday was an unusually good day...only sick for maybe an hour. It's a double-edge sword. Being sick is an indication that things are great, but feeling like shit sucks. When I have an unexpected good day, instead of being happy for the small break, I'm nervous that something is wrong. In some ways I hope to feel like crap again tomorrow. And when I do, I'll wish I felt better.
I actually started this entry at 1 am (couldn't sleep) and now it's 2:45 (had to take over an hour break because Van woke up and is actually currently standing in his crib, but my patience to rock him is about an hour or so - JUST GO TO SLEEP). I need to bite the bullet and start to let Van put himself to sleep, but the whole cry-it-out method sounds awful to me and I don't think I could do it. Of course even though Van isn't crying now, I'm ignoring him. He rarely cries - my mom said it's because he doesn't have to - as soon as he sits or stands up, I go in there. But, if I catch him early, he's so much easier to rock back to sleep - except for tonight.
My point is, I've been awake for almost 2 hours and I feel fine...makes me super nervous! I just want to get to 12 weeks. My next appointment is a week from this upcoming Friday (so a little less than 2 weeks). I'll hear the heartbeat with the doppler and last time I was able to find the heartbeat at home with my doppler right after. I tried to find it the other day, but wasn't successful. It's hard this early, but it's something else that makes me nervous.
I did talk to my doctor about my pregnancy insomnia and she prescribed me Ambien. I haven't even filled the prescription yet because I'm afraid of the side effects. She told me that she has taken it before and she did things in her sleep she never remembered (like peel an entire grapefruit in one big peel and eating it and she only found out because she left the peel on the counter). Makes me nervous with Van - and my husband is such a deep sleeper that I don't think he would notice if I got up and started doing things.
She also said I could take Benedryl, which I have, but it doesn't do much for me. It helps me fall asleep, but I have no trouble with that. It's staying asleep that I have issues with (I'm usually up from 1-3 or 3-5). Not a huge deal on the weekends, but when I have to work the next day, it's hard. I could try to take another Benedryl when I wake up, but I haven't yet. Not sure if it would make me too tired the next day. I could try that on a weekend I guess.
Overall, I prefer not to take drugs when pregnant, but not sleeping for 40 weeks (and then for a few months after) is hard. Basically a year of little sleep. We'll see if I can last without breaking down and trying the Ambien (I could start with like 1/4 of a pill and see if that's enough to just keep me asleep).
I have an appointment on Friday for my Maternity21 test (the blood tests that will let me know if there are any chromosomal abnormalities and will also tell us the gender). Unfortuneately I need to reschedule. My doctor's office is in a hospital and since it's flu season, kids under the age of 18 are not allowed. I called to make sure (my husband works, my mom is in FL and my MIL is having cataract surgery next week so I do not have a babysitter) I couldn't bring him and the doctor's office couldn't tell me one way or another. While they are technically in the hospital, they are in a wing that is simply doctor's offices, so I'm not even really in the hospital.
They connected me to the front desk and they thought it would be fine, but there are seriously signs everywhere that say those under 18 are not allowed in. I do not want to drive 45 minutes to find out that I can't go in, so I'm just going to reschedule. Sort of annoying that I have to reschedule to a day that I work just because my son can't go with me. I get it, but that's definitely an inconvenience of having a doctor's office in a hospital. Glad flu season is almost over. I am off one day a week and it seems silly to not schedule my appointments on that day, and there will be some appointments where Van has to come with me.
Okay, Van is just sitting in his crib waiting for me. I should just let him figure it out, but I want to go to bed and I won't be able to fall asleep if he's still awake, so it's just easier if I spend 10 minutes rocking him to sleep. Why is he not tired? So annoying. Why am I not tired? Even more annoying.
My ultrasound went well...I was so nervous up until the day of, but I was eerily calm at the ultrasound. It's such a nerve-wracking experience once you've had 2 miscarriages - it has definitely taken the joy out of moments like that.
The ultrasound tech immediately went to the baby and said that she saw a heartbeat and that the baby looked to be the appropriate size. Then she did the boring things (measuring my ovaries and things like that) before going back to the baby. I'm measuring right on time - and my due date didn't change. The heartbeat was 179, which was perfect. The baby was upside down and the tech said she could see part of my placenta (it is still developing, so it isn't complete) and said it looked to be anterior again (which is what it was with Van and prevented me from feeling him much - and was the reason I had multiple non-stress tests - ugh!).
I need to go back and look to see what Van's heart rate was during my first appointment. I think it was similar. The old wives tale is that a faster heart rate means girl and a slower heart rate means boys, but 179 is pretty fast and I ended up with a boy, so not sure how accurate that is.
The nurse we met with after was cool and didn't go through everything with us again (since we have a 9 month old). She said that the take-home packet was exactly the same still. I did a PAP smear, peed in a cup and we were free to go.
Unfortunately earlier this week my dr called and I have a UTI, which can cause pre-term labor (which speaking of, I didn't take my antibiotics at all today - great job!). I have never had one (that I know of) and have no symptoms. I've since read that if you have one during early pregnancy than the odds of having more throughout is much higher. And some women just end up taking antibiotics their entire pregnancy because of it. Since my 7 day dose was $40 after our insurance, I really hope that this clears it up. Of course, remembering to take it will help quite a bit. At least I remember to take my pre-natals!
My morning sickness has been awful and not as bad all at the same time. Much of the same - not as intense, but all day long (off and on). Some days are pretty much all day, and others are not. Yesterday was an unusually good day...only sick for maybe an hour. It's a double-edge sword. Being sick is an indication that things are great, but feeling like shit sucks. When I have an unexpected good day, instead of being happy for the small break, I'm nervous that something is wrong. In some ways I hope to feel like crap again tomorrow. And when I do, I'll wish I felt better.
I actually started this entry at 1 am (couldn't sleep) and now it's 2:45 (had to take over an hour break because Van woke up and is actually currently standing in his crib, but my patience to rock him is about an hour or so - JUST GO TO SLEEP). I need to bite the bullet and start to let Van put himself to sleep, but the whole cry-it-out method sounds awful to me and I don't think I could do it. Of course even though Van isn't crying now, I'm ignoring him. He rarely cries - my mom said it's because he doesn't have to - as soon as he sits or stands up, I go in there. But, if I catch him early, he's so much easier to rock back to sleep - except for tonight.
My point is, I've been awake for almost 2 hours and I feel fine...makes me super nervous! I just want to get to 12 weeks. My next appointment is a week from this upcoming Friday (so a little less than 2 weeks). I'll hear the heartbeat with the doppler and last time I was able to find the heartbeat at home with my doppler right after. I tried to find it the other day, but wasn't successful. It's hard this early, but it's something else that makes me nervous.
I did talk to my doctor about my pregnancy insomnia and she prescribed me Ambien. I haven't even filled the prescription yet because I'm afraid of the side effects. She told me that she has taken it before and she did things in her sleep she never remembered (like peel an entire grapefruit in one big peel and eating it and she only found out because she left the peel on the counter). Makes me nervous with Van - and my husband is such a deep sleeper that I don't think he would notice if I got up and started doing things.
She also said I could take Benedryl, which I have, but it doesn't do much for me. It helps me fall asleep, but I have no trouble with that. It's staying asleep that I have issues with (I'm usually up from 1-3 or 3-5). Not a huge deal on the weekends, but when I have to work the next day, it's hard. I could try to take another Benedryl when I wake up, but I haven't yet. Not sure if it would make me too tired the next day. I could try that on a weekend I guess.
Overall, I prefer not to take drugs when pregnant, but not sleeping for 40 weeks (and then for a few months after) is hard. Basically a year of little sleep. We'll see if I can last without breaking down and trying the Ambien (I could start with like 1/4 of a pill and see if that's enough to just keep me asleep).
I have an appointment on Friday for my Maternity21 test (the blood tests that will let me know if there are any chromosomal abnormalities and will also tell us the gender). Unfortuneately I need to reschedule. My doctor's office is in a hospital and since it's flu season, kids under the age of 18 are not allowed. I called to make sure (my husband works, my mom is in FL and my MIL is having cataract surgery next week so I do not have a babysitter) I couldn't bring him and the doctor's office couldn't tell me one way or another. While they are technically in the hospital, they are in a wing that is simply doctor's offices, so I'm not even really in the hospital.
They connected me to the front desk and they thought it would be fine, but there are seriously signs everywhere that say those under 18 are not allowed in. I do not want to drive 45 minutes to find out that I can't go in, so I'm just going to reschedule. Sort of annoying that I have to reschedule to a day that I work just because my son can't go with me. I get it, but that's definitely an inconvenience of having a doctor's office in a hospital. Glad flu season is almost over. I am off one day a week and it seems silly to not schedule my appointments on that day, and there will be some appointments where Van has to come with me.
Okay, Van is just sitting in his crib waiting for me. I should just let him figure it out, but I want to go to bed and I won't be able to fall asleep if he's still awake, so it's just easier if I spend 10 minutes rocking him to sleep. Why is he not tired? So annoying. Why am I not tired? Even more annoying.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Part 2 (well, more like part 4)
I can't believe Van is 9 months now! I used to sort of roll my eyes when people talked about how fast time flies when you have kids, but now I get it. I'm not sure why - I'm busier for sure, but I also don't do that much all at the same time. It doesn't help that it's winter and it has been brutally cold. Van was too young to enjoy the summer, so I'm very much looking forward to going on walks, to the playground, evenings running around the backyard and going to the neighborhood pool. So much to look forward to! Although at the same time, I don't want to wish the next several months away. Every day I think that he'll never be this exact age again and I try to enjoy every moment I have with him.
Van is crawling all over the house and pulling himself up on everything he can. He's so loving and sweet. Quick to laugh and he "talks" quite a bit. Nothing purposeful yet, but there are lots of mamama's and dadada's. I have never been so in love in my entire life. Here are a few more recent photos (recent being the past few months - clearly I need to download photos from my phone, but since it's almost 3 am, I'll do that another day):
Van is crawling all over the house and pulling himself up on everything he can. He's so loving and sweet. Quick to laugh and he "talks" quite a bit. Nothing purposeful yet, but there are lots of mamama's and dadada's. I have never been so in love in my entire life. Here are a few more recent photos (recent being the past few months - clearly I need to download photos from my phone, but since it's almost 3 am, I'll do that another day):
Wow, I look really tired in the photo above. It is amazing how you learn to survive on little sleep. Although at this point, his bedtime is roughly from 7:30 - 7:00, so a big part of it is the insomnia that I've battled the past few years. I also have pregnancy insomnia again. Yep, I'm pregnant.
This is actually the second time I've been pregnant since Van was born. It took us 9 months to conceive him. Literally the 2nd time Steve and I had sex after he was born, I got pregnant (and yes I was breastfeeding, but my supply was never enough and I had to supplement). Van was only 3 months old and I was going to have 2 babies less than a year apart. In fact, both Van and the new baby would have had their first Easter at the same time. If you had told me last year, at 9 months pregnant, that at Easter the next year I would have 2 kids, I would have not believed you. But obviously, sadly, that didn't work out.
I sort of knew from the beginning...I never once felt pregnant. After how hard my first trimester was with Van, I had a hard time believing that my next pregnancy would be a complete 180. We went in for our first ultrasound and there just wasn't a baby - it never developed, but my body created the gestational sac and hormones like I was pregnant (just not enough to make me sick). I passed the tissue and sac a few weeks later and we were told to wait 3 cycles to try again.
Originally we wanted to start trying again in October so this set us back a few months, but we got pregnant again on our first try (after the 3 cycles). On a side note, I have to say, for me being 36 and Steve being 40, the fact that we have gotten pregnant 4 times in a little over a year in a half is nothing short of a miracle. My mom told me that the women in our family were fertile, but since it took me 9 months to get pregnant the first time (which ended in a miscarriage), I didn't believe her. Not sure what we were doing wrong then.
Anyway, this pregnancy feels more like how I did with Van. I have morning sickness and my HCG levels rose appropriately in my 5th week (and were higher than they were in week 7 of my last pregnancy). My morning sickness is different though - in general I feel the same - hungover and motion sick, but with Van it was only from 3:30 pm until I went to bed. And giong to bed cured me. This time, it's not as severe, but it lasts all day. And with Van I never wanted to eat. I hated food and was perfectly content to skip meals. This time however, food is my friend. Eating makes me feel better and if I go too long without eating, I feel so awful. And then it's hard to feel better after.
And now if Van wakes up in the middle of the night and I rock him to sleep, I have to go downstairs and eat something afterwards because I just get so hungry. I have never eaten in the middle of the night before. I tried to resist the first time, but my stomach was growling and I felt awful.
With Van, my overall weight gain was a few pounds (I lost 15 the first trimester, maintained the second trimester and gained 15-20 the third, but lost it all in the hospital before I even went home). This time, I don't think I'll be so lucky. I certainly haven't lost 15 pounds so far!
I'll be 8 weeks tomorrow and our first ultrasound is on Friday...I'll be 8w2d, which is exactly how far along I was when I had our first ultrasound with Van. With 2 miscarriages, I'm so nervous and terrified of having another one, but with being sick, I'm hopeful that's a good sign (usually when you're sick that means your pregnancy hormones are high and that's a good thing). If we go in and I find out something's wrong, I'll be so mad/sad for so many reasons, but the kick in the pants will be how sick I've been for no reason. It's been a few weeks now of just feeling like crap 90% of the time (and going to bed doesn't help this time around - hard to fall asleep when you feel like you might get sick).
So hopefully this is the start of our journey and I can blog about Van and my new pregnancy. I have to admit I didn't love being pregnant with Van - I was never comfortable. I had horrible morning sickness and food aversions (which it isn't fun to hate food for almost a year), debilitating heart burn (with an allergy to heartburn medicine so I suffered almost my entire pregnancy and only used Mylanta to help soothe), a sore back, insomnia and then incredible knee pain at the end.
I can't do anything about the morning sickness, but it ended at week 12-13 last time, so I keep thinking I only have about a month left. When I was 2 weeks away from my due date, I was so miserable with heartburn that I finally caved and tried another medicine and found one I'm not allergic to (Pepcid AC) and it works, so that problem will be solved. I have already been to the chiropractor once for my back this pregnancy and she was a miracle worker last time, so I feel like that problem will be under control. I just need to work on the insomnia (and I'm going to talk to the nurse at our appointment this week)...that was really hard last time. Working full time and not sleeping past 2 am was not easy. And now that I have Van, I just don't think it's safe. Hopefully there is a sleep aid I can take.
I'm worried about my knee pain - that was so incredibly painful the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy and it hurt worse after Van was born (for about a month). I could barely go up and down stairs and walking brought me to tears. I went to an orthopedic surgeon when Van was 2 weeks old and they did x-rays and couldn't find anything wrong. And then I woke up one day and the pain was gone and it hasn't been back since. The advice he gave me was to strengthen my knees before I got pregnant again. I didn't do that (at least not intentionally), so I'm going to be so careful to not injure myself this time.
Last time I hurt my knee at work and it never healed and just got worse. And then because I favored one leg, the other knee ended up being the bigger problem. And then when I had my epidural and couldn't feel my knees and had them bent in half, up by my head, it made them even worse. Everyone (well, the chiropractor and orthopedic surgeon being everyone) has recommended swimming to strengthen. I've known I was pregnant now for 4 weeks and I've swam laps once. I need to go the pool on my days off - that's 3 days a week. And then I can jog around the pool this summer with Van in my arms after work (I love having a pool down the street).
My due date is September 10 (unless they change it after the ultrasound, but I'm 100% sure that's my correct due date), so I'm hoping this summer isn't a crazy hot one. I'm a little nervous about that. With Van, I was easy to overheat and it made me very uncomfortable and for some reason led to tears. It was one of the only things I was irrationally emotional about. It's going to be a long summer if I cry everytime I'm warm.
Hopefully I can sleep now...decided to try to do something when I wake up in the middle of the night instead of just tossing and turning in bed. It's worked pretty well so far. Eating has helped the most. I'll have a bowl of cereal and come back up and fall asleep immediately. I'm going to get so much fatter though - I would rather just sleep through the night.
On that note, I'll update again after our ultrasound...I'm so nervous. Going through another miscarriage and then having to heal and wait will be...awful. Just so awful. I took Friday off of work. Our appointment is 3 hours to start with and then I'll either be joyously happy and will want to tell our close friends and immediate family (only my mom knows and she hasn't even told my dad) or I'll go home to be sad and snuggle with Van. Either way, after what we've been through, I can't imagine going to work after.
This just has to work out...
Monday, June 10, 2013
Birth Story
So when we left off I was 38 weeks pregnant and not feeling all that perky. Looking back, I don't really think my pregnancy was that awful, but I know it was...it really is funny how you forget. I was nauseous and dizzy for months, I had food aversions the entire 9 months, I had wicked heartburn that I didn't get figured out until the last month, I didn't sleep at all and I had terrible aches and pains - including awful knee pain the last few months that brought me to tears many times.
How is that not awful (and yes, I do realize that it could have been worse - at least MT was healthy)? Although to be fair, a few of these things I can (hopefully) avoid the next time. I now know that I can take Pepcid AC for the heartburn and it's almost 100% effective. I also know that if I have awful back/sciatica pain, that the chiropractor can fix it. I had my knees x-rayed after I gave birth (they were more painful after and hurt like hell for about 3 weeks and then one day...gone - no pain at all) and I have weak knee muscles and need to start spinning before I get pregnant (and then keep spinning during pregnancy!).
I can't do anything about the morning sickness or food aversion, but since I lost all my baby weight two weeks after giving birth, I'm a little grateful that I didn't gain a lot because of that.
It really is amazing how you feel completely normal (with the exception of my knee pain - seriously after I gave birth, the nurses would ask my pain level and each time the only pain I had was knee pain - it was way worse than the stitches!) almost immediately after. While I was pregnant, I honestly thought I would never sleep or eat again - I was wrong!
And yes, for all those people who kept saying, "Just wait - it only gets worse!" when I complained about not sleeping when pregnant - you're wrong. I sleep much more now - I probably got about 4 hours a night while pregnant, and now I'm back up to 8+ hours (6 in a row and then 2 - 4 after a quick 30 minute nursing session).
But, my birth story...let's start with the week leading up to it.
I did everything I could think of - two acupuncture sessions, a chiropractor appointment, walking in the pool, spicy foods, exercise ball, red raspberry leaf tea - and when I went into my last appointment (Wednesday, April 10th), nothing had changed. MT was still up high and I hadn't dilated or effaced any more. I was so discouraged, but I was also done. We went ahead and scheduled an induction for Tuesday morning (April 16th).
My doctor told me to relax over the weekend, have a glass of wine and to stop trying to make things happen.
The next day, Thursday, was my last day of work before maternity leave. I went to the bathroom around noon and noticed a glob of mucus and a little blood. I'm not sure if you've ever google-imaged "bloody show" or "mucous plug" (don't!), but the photos are scary. Mine was just a little of each (and nothing like the photos!), so I wasn't 100% sure that's what it was, but I figured it probably was. I had read online that this late in pregnancy, it was a definite sign of labor and usually it happened within 48 hours.
Later that night, I had more blood, but nothing happened, and nothing happened on Friday or Saturday either (well, I had my glass of wine Saturday night and it was heavenly!)...not until midnight on Saturday/Sunday at least. I got up to go to the bathroom and noticed that my underwear was a little wet. Not a lot, but it was unusual (I had not peed unintentionally my entire pregnancy) - I figured the baby was on my bladder, but hopped on google to make sure I didn't have a slow leak (I read that amniotic fluid has a sweet smell and that even if it's a slow leak, that once you get up, it will come out).
So I laid back down and got up 30 minutes later and nothing else came out (and it wasn't sweet smelling). At that point I figured I hit a new low and wet myself a little. I went back to bed, couldn't sleep (not surprising) and started to read a book. Within a few minutes, I had a sharp pain, which was definitely a contraction. I had contractions for about 4 hours before I woke Steve up (he had to go to work on Sunday, and since he's a firefighter, he can't just call in sick). I had been timing them and they were all over the place - 8 minutes apart, then 4 (!) and then 25, etc.
He reluctantly went to work and then came home a few hours later after talking with his co-workers. But nothing changed. I did call the on-call doctor, but she never called me back. He eventually went back to work and my mom came over to spend the night with me.
Something else to note - sometime that morning, I noticed that whenever I went to the bathroom, there was a lot of clear liquid on the toilet paper and also dark brown mucus (but a lot of it). I thought I was having more of a bloody show.
Around 3:30, my mom and I were playing keep away with the dog in the backyard (shows you how far apart my contractions were at this point - they were strong ones though - to the point I had to bend over and breathe through them), when I noticed fluid bubbling out of me - just a few little bubbles. My mom was so nervous all day - she kept encouraging me to call the doctor back, but I figured she was just busy and would call when she could. At that point she insisted, so I called the service back and told them that it had been hours and hours and I never received a cal back from the doctor, and they were shocked. My phone rang about 30 seconds later and the doctor told me to come in for a quick test to determine if it was amniotic fluid.
Let me say that if I didn't live 45 minutes away from the hospital (and didn't go there several times a week the past few weeks already - non-stress tests every other day since MT didn't move hardly at all at the end - it sucked so bad!), I probably would have called sooner. I really need to pick a closer hospital next time!
I 100% thought I was leaking urine, but my mom thought it was probably fluid, so she made me get our bags, get the house locked up like I wanted it, get the animals ready for her to pick them up later, etc. I called Steve and told him what I was doing and told him I would call him back later with the results.
I got to the hospital around 5:00 and was immediately tested...not only was it amniotic fluid, but the brown substance was meconium (MT's poop) leaking out - not good! They told me that since I had been leaking for so long (you're not really supposed to go past 24 hours), I had to be induced right away, so I was in bed and hooked up to everything within an hour probably.
Ironically enough, I told the nurse (who did the fluid test) that I wasn't leaking fluid, but after they confirmed that it was and I got up to walk to the room, fluid gushed all over the floor and I looked like a liar - sort of funny.
I started out with a bag of antibiotics since the fluid had broken and there was meconium present. Steve got to the hospital right as they started the pitocin and they upped my dose every 10 minutes - they told me if anything went wrong, I would probably have to have a c-section because I didn't have extra time.
At this point I had been contracting for 20 hours, so I figured I could go a long time without an epidural - yeah, that didn't happen. Holy shit, contractions are awful!!!!! I called for an epidural after an hour or so. It took the guy three attempts to get it in (so yes, I had the long needle in my back three times, which didn't bother me then, but my back hurt the next day). Did I have instant relief? Yes and no - for some reason my blood pressure dropped to 80/30 and I almost passed out, so they gave me some drug that made me shake violently for hours. I had to clench my jaw to keep my face from shaking and ended up with a headache. Because of the shaking, I couldn't sleep. Steve slept while I just laid there for a few hours.
They did have to do an internal monitor (attached heart rate monitor on his head) because he wasn't cooperating (he was a pain in that department until the bitter end!). That was a relief though because before that the alarm kept going off because he would move away from the monitor on my belly. Between the alarm and the automatic blood pressure cuff (seriously it took my blood pressure twice every 30 minutes until after he was born!!!!!!!!), I'm not sure I would have been able to sleep anyway.
At one point the nurses came running in and put an oxygen mask on me and were all worked up over something. They told me that the baby's heart rate had a sudden, huge drop, but that after a minute or so it went back to normal. Scared me! It was right around then though, that I was in the most pain of my life. It was like all of a sudden my epidural had worn off. Keep in mind all this is happened with in a few hours. I think I started the pitocin around 8:30 pm, so this was probably around 2:30 am or so.
I called the nurses in and told them that I needed another epidural and they thought I was ridiculous and even got a lecture about how if I couldn't handle it, then I would have to do a c-section. I asked if they would check me to see if something happened and they agreed even though "they had just checked me not even 30 minutes ago." The nurse that checked me immediately called in another nurse to verify that I did indeed go from 5 cm dilated to 10 cm in less than 30 minutes. That's the reason why his heart rate dropped and I was in intense pain - it all happened almost too quickly.
I got more drugs and was comfortable and even though technically I was ready to push, they wanted me to wait an hour or so because he hadn't dropped enough yet. At 4:15 the nurse came back in and I was ready to push because he was farther down.
At this point, I was so tired - I had been awake for 28 hours and had been having contractions for that long. I did 3 sets of pushes (around 10 seconds each - nobody counted though - I just pushed as long as I wanted - I liked that) with each contraction and fell asleep in between. I could barely keep my eyes open to push. Pushing wasn't much fun. I was on my back (at an incline) and my legs were in stirrups and I held on to bars on the side to pull myself up (my arms killed the next day).
I pushed and pushed and almost right after I started they could see his head. Steve was in awe, but I was sort of apathetic...I didn't have my glasses on so everything was blurry and I didn't want a mirror. Steve did take a picture (and erased it immediately) so I could see what it looked like - he had lots of hair and it was weird seeing a head coming out of my vagina. For about 30 minutes I pushed and the head would crown and then go back in - I had to push him past the lip and I guess that can take a long time with first time moms.
That was the worst part for me - I would push and push and be so tired, but would hear "We see the head!" and then I would get done and they head would be back inside. Finally the head stayed out and they called the doctor and I wasn't allowed to push anymore until she got there.
On a side note, NICU had to be present at birth because of the meconium - our goal was for MT not to cry when he was born because they didn't want him to breathe in the poop. NICU needed to be there to suck the poop from his lungs and make sure he could breathe okay.
It took the doctor forever to get there. Do you know how hard it is not to push when you have a head hanging out of your vagina and you're having contractions? I honestly thought the baby was going to be born without the doctor. The nurse kept yelling at me to hang on and told me that the NICU staff would not come in without a doctor present.
Knowing that my delivery was a high risk one, and since the doctor took her sweet time getting there (this is the same doctor that was on call earlier that day that didn't call me back), you would have thought they would have had another doctor come in. It's a huge hospital with lots of babies born - the doctor wouldn't have been from my group, but surely that wouldn't have mattered in that moment.
Anyway, the doctor finally got there and in one half-hearted push, he was born. I was sort of in shock I think...Steve had the appropriate response - tears of joy and excitement. I literally had no reaction. Plus I couldn't see him well without my glasses and they took him right away (he did cry immediately of course). Steve went with him (NICU did everything in our room) and it took awhile for the placenta to come out. Steve said at one point he turned around and the doctor was literally yanking on the umbilical cord to pull it out. That grossed him out more than anything else.
Then I had to get a few stitches, but at that point the epidural had worn off some and I could feel it. It hurt but I didn't really care - I didn't want to wait for more drugs - I just wanted everyone to get away from my vagina. She sewed me up and I had to lay there and wait for NICU to finish. Luckily MT was fine and he didn't have to go up to NICU. After all that, they finally laid him on my chest. He was covered in poop - like it was in his hair, in his ears, under his fingernails - oh the blackmail we have on him!
He was born on April 15th at 5:21 am and was 7 lbs 11 oz and 20.5 inches tall. They were shocked that a first time mom, who was not dilated at all, did the whole thing in 9 hours. My doctor told me that I would probably go even faster the next time. I'll take it!
On a side note, my birth was amazingly like my mom's. With my brother, she was on-time (had I known that it was my water breaking, MT would have been born on his due date instead of one day late) and she had a slow leak that she didn't know was her water breaking. She went to her scheduled doctor's appointment that day and her water broke more there (ran down her leg like mine did). Then my brother was born within 12 hours of that. She also had to have pitocin because she never progressed past 1 cm - I didn't either even though I had contractions for 20 hours.
We were in our room by 7:30 am and I was able to walk from the delivery bed to the wheelchair - I recovered quickly and didn't have anything stronger than Aleve for the pain (and honestly it was for knee pain more than anything else).
Our time at the hospital was a little stressful - he lost 10% of his body weight - mostly because he didn't wake up for 12 hours after his circumcision. I think because of that, my milk didn't come in properly (I didn't nurse or pump for that long) and so I have to supplement with formula. I struggled with the baby blues for a few weeks (mostly over guilt of not being able to 100% breastfeed - I do at every meal, but he almost always wants a bottle after - I've been to lactation consultants and to a breast feeding support group and I am about 2 oz short of what he needs each time).
The lack of sleep at first was hard, but I was kind of stupid. I didn't take naps ever - when he was sleeping I was busy doing stuff- cleaning or laundry. I should have slept since I was getting up every 3 hours in the middle of the night. The first month was the hardest - I finally was able to sleep again and being in bed felt sooooo good - getting up to feed him was miserable. I hadn't slept a full night in almost a year, but after 4 weeks, he started sleeping longer and now he goes most the night without waking.
He is 8 weeks today and I love being a mom. It took us a few days to decide on a name, but he is Van. I love it and it suits him perfectly. I was worried since my family didn't seem to like it (it's the first part of my maiden name), but it turns out they loved it but didn't want to influence me. Steve thought he should be Van as soon as he saw him because he looked like me when he cried for the first time. And he looks so much like my dad and his side of the family that he's definitely living up to his name.
We are going to try for baby #2 in a few months. Yes, I know we're crazy, but I want 1 or 2 more and we're older (36 and 40 this year), so we don't have a lot of time to spare. October is when we'll officially start trying again. I also sort of think that if I don't just do it again soon I might not want to do it at all. I just hope I'm not as sick the next time!
Here are a few photos - I'm so in love! I will have to do another post about him and his little personality! I could probably do an entire entry on his lips. And his hair - these photos don't do it justice. It stands on end like he's been electrocuted. No wonder I had heartburn!
How is that not awful (and yes, I do realize that it could have been worse - at least MT was healthy)? Although to be fair, a few of these things I can (hopefully) avoid the next time. I now know that I can take Pepcid AC for the heartburn and it's almost 100% effective. I also know that if I have awful back/sciatica pain, that the chiropractor can fix it. I had my knees x-rayed after I gave birth (they were more painful after and hurt like hell for about 3 weeks and then one day...gone - no pain at all) and I have weak knee muscles and need to start spinning before I get pregnant (and then keep spinning during pregnancy!).
I can't do anything about the morning sickness or food aversion, but since I lost all my baby weight two weeks after giving birth, I'm a little grateful that I didn't gain a lot because of that.
It really is amazing how you feel completely normal (with the exception of my knee pain - seriously after I gave birth, the nurses would ask my pain level and each time the only pain I had was knee pain - it was way worse than the stitches!) almost immediately after. While I was pregnant, I honestly thought I would never sleep or eat again - I was wrong!
And yes, for all those people who kept saying, "Just wait - it only gets worse!" when I complained about not sleeping when pregnant - you're wrong. I sleep much more now - I probably got about 4 hours a night while pregnant, and now I'm back up to 8+ hours (6 in a row and then 2 - 4 after a quick 30 minute nursing session).
But, my birth story...let's start with the week leading up to it.
I did everything I could think of - two acupuncture sessions, a chiropractor appointment, walking in the pool, spicy foods, exercise ball, red raspberry leaf tea - and when I went into my last appointment (Wednesday, April 10th), nothing had changed. MT was still up high and I hadn't dilated or effaced any more. I was so discouraged, but I was also done. We went ahead and scheduled an induction for Tuesday morning (April 16th).
My doctor told me to relax over the weekend, have a glass of wine and to stop trying to make things happen.
The next day, Thursday, was my last day of work before maternity leave. I went to the bathroom around noon and noticed a glob of mucus and a little blood. I'm not sure if you've ever google-imaged "bloody show" or "mucous plug" (don't!), but the photos are scary. Mine was just a little of each (and nothing like the photos!), so I wasn't 100% sure that's what it was, but I figured it probably was. I had read online that this late in pregnancy, it was a definite sign of labor and usually it happened within 48 hours.
Later that night, I had more blood, but nothing happened, and nothing happened on Friday or Saturday either (well, I had my glass of wine Saturday night and it was heavenly!)...not until midnight on Saturday/Sunday at least. I got up to go to the bathroom and noticed that my underwear was a little wet. Not a lot, but it was unusual (I had not peed unintentionally my entire pregnancy) - I figured the baby was on my bladder, but hopped on google to make sure I didn't have a slow leak (I read that amniotic fluid has a sweet smell and that even if it's a slow leak, that once you get up, it will come out).
So I laid back down and got up 30 minutes later and nothing else came out (and it wasn't sweet smelling). At that point I figured I hit a new low and wet myself a little. I went back to bed, couldn't sleep (not surprising) and started to read a book. Within a few minutes, I had a sharp pain, which was definitely a contraction. I had contractions for about 4 hours before I woke Steve up (he had to go to work on Sunday, and since he's a firefighter, he can't just call in sick). I had been timing them and they were all over the place - 8 minutes apart, then 4 (!) and then 25, etc.
He reluctantly went to work and then came home a few hours later after talking with his co-workers. But nothing changed. I did call the on-call doctor, but she never called me back. He eventually went back to work and my mom came over to spend the night with me.
Something else to note - sometime that morning, I noticed that whenever I went to the bathroom, there was a lot of clear liquid on the toilet paper and also dark brown mucus (but a lot of it). I thought I was having more of a bloody show.
Around 3:30, my mom and I were playing keep away with the dog in the backyard (shows you how far apart my contractions were at this point - they were strong ones though - to the point I had to bend over and breathe through them), when I noticed fluid bubbling out of me - just a few little bubbles. My mom was so nervous all day - she kept encouraging me to call the doctor back, but I figured she was just busy and would call when she could. At that point she insisted, so I called the service back and told them that it had been hours and hours and I never received a cal back from the doctor, and they were shocked. My phone rang about 30 seconds later and the doctor told me to come in for a quick test to determine if it was amniotic fluid.
Let me say that if I didn't live 45 minutes away from the hospital (and didn't go there several times a week the past few weeks already - non-stress tests every other day since MT didn't move hardly at all at the end - it sucked so bad!), I probably would have called sooner. I really need to pick a closer hospital next time!
I 100% thought I was leaking urine, but my mom thought it was probably fluid, so she made me get our bags, get the house locked up like I wanted it, get the animals ready for her to pick them up later, etc. I called Steve and told him what I was doing and told him I would call him back later with the results.
I got to the hospital around 5:00 and was immediately tested...not only was it amniotic fluid, but the brown substance was meconium (MT's poop) leaking out - not good! They told me that since I had been leaking for so long (you're not really supposed to go past 24 hours), I had to be induced right away, so I was in bed and hooked up to everything within an hour probably.
Ironically enough, I told the nurse (who did the fluid test) that I wasn't leaking fluid, but after they confirmed that it was and I got up to walk to the room, fluid gushed all over the floor and I looked like a liar - sort of funny.
I started out with a bag of antibiotics since the fluid had broken and there was meconium present. Steve got to the hospital right as they started the pitocin and they upped my dose every 10 minutes - they told me if anything went wrong, I would probably have to have a c-section because I didn't have extra time.
At this point I had been contracting for 20 hours, so I figured I could go a long time without an epidural - yeah, that didn't happen. Holy shit, contractions are awful!!!!! I called for an epidural after an hour or so. It took the guy three attempts to get it in (so yes, I had the long needle in my back three times, which didn't bother me then, but my back hurt the next day). Did I have instant relief? Yes and no - for some reason my blood pressure dropped to 80/30 and I almost passed out, so they gave me some drug that made me shake violently for hours. I had to clench my jaw to keep my face from shaking and ended up with a headache. Because of the shaking, I couldn't sleep. Steve slept while I just laid there for a few hours.
They did have to do an internal monitor (attached heart rate monitor on his head) because he wasn't cooperating (he was a pain in that department until the bitter end!). That was a relief though because before that the alarm kept going off because he would move away from the monitor on my belly. Between the alarm and the automatic blood pressure cuff (seriously it took my blood pressure twice every 30 minutes until after he was born!!!!!!!!), I'm not sure I would have been able to sleep anyway.
At one point the nurses came running in and put an oxygen mask on me and were all worked up over something. They told me that the baby's heart rate had a sudden, huge drop, but that after a minute or so it went back to normal. Scared me! It was right around then though, that I was in the most pain of my life. It was like all of a sudden my epidural had worn off. Keep in mind all this is happened with in a few hours. I think I started the pitocin around 8:30 pm, so this was probably around 2:30 am or so.
I called the nurses in and told them that I needed another epidural and they thought I was ridiculous and even got a lecture about how if I couldn't handle it, then I would have to do a c-section. I asked if they would check me to see if something happened and they agreed even though "they had just checked me not even 30 minutes ago." The nurse that checked me immediately called in another nurse to verify that I did indeed go from 5 cm dilated to 10 cm in less than 30 minutes. That's the reason why his heart rate dropped and I was in intense pain - it all happened almost too quickly.
I got more drugs and was comfortable and even though technically I was ready to push, they wanted me to wait an hour or so because he hadn't dropped enough yet. At 4:15 the nurse came back in and I was ready to push because he was farther down.
At this point, I was so tired - I had been awake for 28 hours and had been having contractions for that long. I did 3 sets of pushes (around 10 seconds each - nobody counted though - I just pushed as long as I wanted - I liked that) with each contraction and fell asleep in between. I could barely keep my eyes open to push. Pushing wasn't much fun. I was on my back (at an incline) and my legs were in stirrups and I held on to bars on the side to pull myself up (my arms killed the next day).
I pushed and pushed and almost right after I started they could see his head. Steve was in awe, but I was sort of apathetic...I didn't have my glasses on so everything was blurry and I didn't want a mirror. Steve did take a picture (and erased it immediately) so I could see what it looked like - he had lots of hair and it was weird seeing a head coming out of my vagina. For about 30 minutes I pushed and the head would crown and then go back in - I had to push him past the lip and I guess that can take a long time with first time moms.
That was the worst part for me - I would push and push and be so tired, but would hear "We see the head!" and then I would get done and they head would be back inside. Finally the head stayed out and they called the doctor and I wasn't allowed to push anymore until she got there.
On a side note, NICU had to be present at birth because of the meconium - our goal was for MT not to cry when he was born because they didn't want him to breathe in the poop. NICU needed to be there to suck the poop from his lungs and make sure he could breathe okay.
It took the doctor forever to get there. Do you know how hard it is not to push when you have a head hanging out of your vagina and you're having contractions? I honestly thought the baby was going to be born without the doctor. The nurse kept yelling at me to hang on and told me that the NICU staff would not come in without a doctor present.
Knowing that my delivery was a high risk one, and since the doctor took her sweet time getting there (this is the same doctor that was on call earlier that day that didn't call me back), you would have thought they would have had another doctor come in. It's a huge hospital with lots of babies born - the doctor wouldn't have been from my group, but surely that wouldn't have mattered in that moment.
Anyway, the doctor finally got there and in one half-hearted push, he was born. I was sort of in shock I think...Steve had the appropriate response - tears of joy and excitement. I literally had no reaction. Plus I couldn't see him well without my glasses and they took him right away (he did cry immediately of course). Steve went with him (NICU did everything in our room) and it took awhile for the placenta to come out. Steve said at one point he turned around and the doctor was literally yanking on the umbilical cord to pull it out. That grossed him out more than anything else.
Then I had to get a few stitches, but at that point the epidural had worn off some and I could feel it. It hurt but I didn't really care - I didn't want to wait for more drugs - I just wanted everyone to get away from my vagina. She sewed me up and I had to lay there and wait for NICU to finish. Luckily MT was fine and he didn't have to go up to NICU. After all that, they finally laid him on my chest. He was covered in poop - like it was in his hair, in his ears, under his fingernails - oh the blackmail we have on him!
He was born on April 15th at 5:21 am and was 7 lbs 11 oz and 20.5 inches tall. They were shocked that a first time mom, who was not dilated at all, did the whole thing in 9 hours. My doctor told me that I would probably go even faster the next time. I'll take it!
On a side note, my birth was amazingly like my mom's. With my brother, she was on-time (had I known that it was my water breaking, MT would have been born on his due date instead of one day late) and she had a slow leak that she didn't know was her water breaking. She went to her scheduled doctor's appointment that day and her water broke more there (ran down her leg like mine did). Then my brother was born within 12 hours of that. She also had to have pitocin because she never progressed past 1 cm - I didn't either even though I had contractions for 20 hours.
We were in our room by 7:30 am and I was able to walk from the delivery bed to the wheelchair - I recovered quickly and didn't have anything stronger than Aleve for the pain (and honestly it was for knee pain more than anything else).
Our time at the hospital was a little stressful - he lost 10% of his body weight - mostly because he didn't wake up for 12 hours after his circumcision. I think because of that, my milk didn't come in properly (I didn't nurse or pump for that long) and so I have to supplement with formula. I struggled with the baby blues for a few weeks (mostly over guilt of not being able to 100% breastfeed - I do at every meal, but he almost always wants a bottle after - I've been to lactation consultants and to a breast feeding support group and I am about 2 oz short of what he needs each time).
The lack of sleep at first was hard, but I was kind of stupid. I didn't take naps ever - when he was sleeping I was busy doing stuff- cleaning or laundry. I should have slept since I was getting up every 3 hours in the middle of the night. The first month was the hardest - I finally was able to sleep again and being in bed felt sooooo good - getting up to feed him was miserable. I hadn't slept a full night in almost a year, but after 4 weeks, he started sleeping longer and now he goes most the night without waking.
He is 8 weeks today and I love being a mom. It took us a few days to decide on a name, but he is Van. I love it and it suits him perfectly. I was worried since my family didn't seem to like it (it's the first part of my maiden name), but it turns out they loved it but didn't want to influence me. Steve thought he should be Van as soon as he saw him because he looked like me when he cried for the first time. And he looks so much like my dad and his side of the family that he's definitely living up to his name.
We are going to try for baby #2 in a few months. Yes, I know we're crazy, but I want 1 or 2 more and we're older (36 and 40 this year), so we don't have a lot of time to spare. October is when we'll officially start trying again. I also sort of think that if I don't just do it again soon I might not want to do it at all. I just hope I'm not as sick the next time!
Here are a few photos - I'm so in love! I will have to do another post about him and his little personality! I could probably do an entire entry on his lips. And his hair - these photos don't do it justice. It stands on end like he's been electrocuted. No wonder I had heartburn!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
38 Weeks
I'm updating before I delivered - I was beginning to wonder if that would happen. Not because I think labor is near, but because I'm so lazy and tired all the time.
I have accomplished quite a bit since my last post, but I definitely have much less energy than I did before. I listened to everyone when they told me that I have "plenty of time" and didn't do much to get ready for the baby before 35 weeks. Unfortunately around then, everything changed for me. I went from not really feeling that pregnant (I had heartburn, trouble sleeping, etc, but physically I felt fine), to feeling so lazy and tired and sore all the time. It made getting things ready for MT a lot more difficult. Lesson learned for my next pregnancy!
I have had a total of 4 non-stress tests now because of lack of movement. Seriously, having an anterior placenta sucks. Every time he's fine, but sometimes I go 24-36 hours without really feeling him (or not feeling him "at least 5 times in an hour") and it's just so frustrating and time-consuming (each time takes about 2-3 hours and costs about $300 - which of course it's worth it, but just being able to feel him like every other person would be a hell of a lot more convenient!). Hopefully I won't have to have any more before he's here!
I also had 3 baby showers, and they were all so nice and I'm so grateful to have people in my life who love me. The first one was my work shower. I've only worked there since September and I was shocked at how much they did. The rented out a room in a restaurant and about 20 people were there. There were lots of presents, cake, etc. They also invited a few of my previous co-workers (I worked at another school prior and they are HUGE rivals - and I was recruited so there was a little animosity there) - they all mingled together and it was fine. It was all so thoughtful and unexpected!
My second shower was thrown by my 5 best friends, of which 3 are pregnant too. I had other friends there, my mom and her friends (who are close family friends), my family and Steve's mom. My friends went above and beyond - the games were fun (there were paper bags that each had a letter that spelled Baby Hoffman and guests had to guess what was in each bag - the letter stood for what was in the bag - ex: B was Butt Paste - and I got to keep all the baby items inside; they also had everyone bring a big and they hung them up and everyone voted on their favorite and now I have plenty of really cute bibs), the brunch and cake were so good and MT got lots of good stuff - things we really needed.
My last shower was with Steve's family (and Steve went too). He has a really big family and it was such a nice shower as well - fun games again (classic ones - guess the baby food, melted candy in diapers), a good lunch and wonderful gifts for the baby. And we hadn't seen his family since our wedding (which makes me feel so badly, but they are so big they don't get together as a huge group very often - and I sort of have the feeling that his mom is the odd one out, so they don't really get invited to stuff often), but luckily there is a graduation party (for all the high school graduates in his extended family this year - that's how big his family is), a bridal shower and a wedding, so I'll see them three times between June and August.
The nursery is "done." It's not that exciting, but everything is washed and put away and ready for MT. Boy nursery stuff just isn't as cute. Neither are the clothes. It does get better once they get older, but the 0-6 month stuff isn't all that fun. There are definitely some cute things, but overall girl stuff is so much better.I was so bummed about it for awhile and I realized that I'm mostly bummed because I have never had an easy time shopping.
I've been plus sized most my life, so that limits me right there. Then I discovered that there are even less plus sized maternity stores (thank goodness I am still only around 15 pounds gained - I can still wear many non-maternity tops). And even my bra size limits me (typically a 36 DDD, but my nursing bra is a J - seriously? It's awful and huge and even though I found ones that didn't resemble turtlenecks, they're not sexy and really tall - I hope I don't have to buy a new summer wardrobe because most of my summer dresses are not high cut. But even being a DDD, there aren't a lot of cute bras. And now, with having a boy, there are not as many cute choices that girls have. And 75% of the baby stores are dedicated to girls and then there are a few racks for boys.
Blah, blah, blah - clearly I just need to lose weight and get a breast reduction, but for now, I'll just complain about it :)
Of course I don't really know what I'm doing - there are cute little shorts, button down shirts, etc for baby boys, but I didn't buy much of that stuff, because I don't think it looks comfortable for a newborn. I have a few of those, and he'll wear them if we're out at a cookout or something, but I think he'd be much happier in a soft onsie (I would be!). Maybe by the middle/end of summer he'll be able to wear that stuff more. But while he's a newborn, I don't think he needs to be wearing jeans. That just seems silly to me.
So yeah, all the big stuff is done - car seat/bases installed, birth classes are done, we met with the nurses at the hospital and went over our birth plan (more on that), everything washed and cleaned and I think we have almost everything we need. And our hospital bags are halfway packed (everything except clothes because I don't have a lot to choose from, so I'm wearing what I'll be taking to the hospital - hopefully I'll have time to do laundry and pack them before we have to leave).
Smaller stuff didn't get done - I really wanted to get the carpets cleaned and do a deep cleaning of the house (windows, baseboards, oven, blinds, etc). I'll be home for 3 months and I figure I can do it then. Probably not at first, but eventually I'm guessing. I still have no idea what it'll be like to have a newborn!
So I'm feeling pretty at ease with our birth plan. Of course I know that anything can happen so I need to be prepared to not follow my plan at all. My "dream birth" (aside from it not hurting at all and MT being safe and healthy), would be a drug-free one. I highly doubt that will happen (considering I didn't do anything to prepare for it), but I'm going to go as long as I can without an epidural. I also requested a room with a tub to labor in, a birthing ball, wireless monitors (so I walk around the floor), water to drink (doctor had to approve - otherwise you get ice chips only and I hate being thirsty), and a birthing bar (meaning I can sit up and hold on to the bar while I'm pushing - even with an epidural). They also agreed to skin-to-skin after and delayed cord cutting (just until it stops pulsating). I was a little shocked at how "progressive" the hospital was. I just didn't want to be bed-bound for 18 hours and if everything goes well, I shouldn't be.
Hopefully all of the above will make me feel "in control" enough to avoid having too much anxiety or panic attacks.
Lastly, I would much prefer not to be induced (because it makes the odds of me needing an epi or c-section higher), but I also don't want to go past my due date, so I have 14 days to go into labor.
For the last 2 appointments, I was 60% effaced and 1 cm dilated. That doesn't really mean anything, but I was sad I didn't progress any more last week. I've been walking, bouncing on my birth ball and I might try accupuncture next week (which I heard was really effective). Of course nothing works unless your body is ready to go into labor and I don't think mine is. I haven't dropped yet and I haven't had contractions really and not even that many Braxton Hicks. I haven't lost my mucus plus and I haven't had my bloody show. Of course I could go into labor without any of that happening, but those would be good signs!
My mom went into labor today with me (2 weeks early) in her pregnancy, so I keep hoping I'll take after her. Truth be told, I'm not ready this week. I need to finish up work and Steve's last day is next Monday, so ideally we'd go a week from Tuesday or Wednesday. Of course we could also be induced one of those two days (we have to decide by Wednesday). I would be 39 weeks and a few days - he's perfectly ready to come into the world now but I know that at least 39 weeks is ideal. My doctor said "nothing good happens after 40 weeks," so she doesn't really want me to go over much (a couple days at most).
Crazy how soon he'll be here. Of course I'm so excited, but also a little nervous about how much my life is going to change. I hope I'm ready. There are times when people talk about summer vacations or concerts (we live about 10 minutes from an outdoor ampitheater that has the big summer shows - DMB, etc), and I get a little pang of sadness when I think about what we'll be missing, but I've been doing the same shit for so many years that I don't think it'll be that hard to give up. I'm imagining lots of time on the back deck with my husband and MT and that sounds great to me too.
It's just a little...weird now. I feel like I have a ticking time bomb over my head and it can literally go off at any second and when it does, my life will forever be different. I wish I just knew when it was going to happen. I like being prepared (and in control).
Okay, the next time I update, it'll be with my birth story! Exciting!!!!!!!
I have accomplished quite a bit since my last post, but I definitely have much less energy than I did before. I listened to everyone when they told me that I have "plenty of time" and didn't do much to get ready for the baby before 35 weeks. Unfortunately around then, everything changed for me. I went from not really feeling that pregnant (I had heartburn, trouble sleeping, etc, but physically I felt fine), to feeling so lazy and tired and sore all the time. It made getting things ready for MT a lot more difficult. Lesson learned for my next pregnancy!
I have had a total of 4 non-stress tests now because of lack of movement. Seriously, having an anterior placenta sucks. Every time he's fine, but sometimes I go 24-36 hours without really feeling him (or not feeling him "at least 5 times in an hour") and it's just so frustrating and time-consuming (each time takes about 2-3 hours and costs about $300 - which of course it's worth it, but just being able to feel him like every other person would be a hell of a lot more convenient!). Hopefully I won't have to have any more before he's here!
I also had 3 baby showers, and they were all so nice and I'm so grateful to have people in my life who love me. The first one was my work shower. I've only worked there since September and I was shocked at how much they did. The rented out a room in a restaurant and about 20 people were there. There were lots of presents, cake, etc. They also invited a few of my previous co-workers (I worked at another school prior and they are HUGE rivals - and I was recruited so there was a little animosity there) - they all mingled together and it was fine. It was all so thoughtful and unexpected!
My second shower was thrown by my 5 best friends, of which 3 are pregnant too. I had other friends there, my mom and her friends (who are close family friends), my family and Steve's mom. My friends went above and beyond - the games were fun (there were paper bags that each had a letter that spelled Baby Hoffman and guests had to guess what was in each bag - the letter stood for what was in the bag - ex: B was Butt Paste - and I got to keep all the baby items inside; they also had everyone bring a big and they hung them up and everyone voted on their favorite and now I have plenty of really cute bibs), the brunch and cake were so good and MT got lots of good stuff - things we really needed.
My last shower was with Steve's family (and Steve went too). He has a really big family and it was such a nice shower as well - fun games again (classic ones - guess the baby food, melted candy in diapers), a good lunch and wonderful gifts for the baby. And we hadn't seen his family since our wedding (which makes me feel so badly, but they are so big they don't get together as a huge group very often - and I sort of have the feeling that his mom is the odd one out, so they don't really get invited to stuff often), but luckily there is a graduation party (for all the high school graduates in his extended family this year - that's how big his family is), a bridal shower and a wedding, so I'll see them three times between June and August.
The nursery is "done." It's not that exciting, but everything is washed and put away and ready for MT. Boy nursery stuff just isn't as cute. Neither are the clothes. It does get better once they get older, but the 0-6 month stuff isn't all that fun. There are definitely some cute things, but overall girl stuff is so much better.I was so bummed about it for awhile and I realized that I'm mostly bummed because I have never had an easy time shopping.
I've been plus sized most my life, so that limits me right there. Then I discovered that there are even less plus sized maternity stores (thank goodness I am still only around 15 pounds gained - I can still wear many non-maternity tops). And even my bra size limits me (typically a 36 DDD, but my nursing bra is a J - seriously? It's awful and huge and even though I found ones that didn't resemble turtlenecks, they're not sexy and really tall - I hope I don't have to buy a new summer wardrobe because most of my summer dresses are not high cut. But even being a DDD, there aren't a lot of cute bras. And now, with having a boy, there are not as many cute choices that girls have. And 75% of the baby stores are dedicated to girls and then there are a few racks for boys.
Blah, blah, blah - clearly I just need to lose weight and get a breast reduction, but for now, I'll just complain about it :)
Of course I don't really know what I'm doing - there are cute little shorts, button down shirts, etc for baby boys, but I didn't buy much of that stuff, because I don't think it looks comfortable for a newborn. I have a few of those, and he'll wear them if we're out at a cookout or something, but I think he'd be much happier in a soft onsie (I would be!). Maybe by the middle/end of summer he'll be able to wear that stuff more. But while he's a newborn, I don't think he needs to be wearing jeans. That just seems silly to me.
So yeah, all the big stuff is done - car seat/bases installed, birth classes are done, we met with the nurses at the hospital and went over our birth plan (more on that), everything washed and cleaned and I think we have almost everything we need. And our hospital bags are halfway packed (everything except clothes because I don't have a lot to choose from, so I'm wearing what I'll be taking to the hospital - hopefully I'll have time to do laundry and pack them before we have to leave).
Smaller stuff didn't get done - I really wanted to get the carpets cleaned and do a deep cleaning of the house (windows, baseboards, oven, blinds, etc). I'll be home for 3 months and I figure I can do it then. Probably not at first, but eventually I'm guessing. I still have no idea what it'll be like to have a newborn!
So I'm feeling pretty at ease with our birth plan. Of course I know that anything can happen so I need to be prepared to not follow my plan at all. My "dream birth" (aside from it not hurting at all and MT being safe and healthy), would be a drug-free one. I highly doubt that will happen (considering I didn't do anything to prepare for it), but I'm going to go as long as I can without an epidural. I also requested a room with a tub to labor in, a birthing ball, wireless monitors (so I walk around the floor), water to drink (doctor had to approve - otherwise you get ice chips only and I hate being thirsty), and a birthing bar (meaning I can sit up and hold on to the bar while I'm pushing - even with an epidural). They also agreed to skin-to-skin after and delayed cord cutting (just until it stops pulsating). I was a little shocked at how "progressive" the hospital was. I just didn't want to be bed-bound for 18 hours and if everything goes well, I shouldn't be.
Hopefully all of the above will make me feel "in control" enough to avoid having too much anxiety or panic attacks.
Lastly, I would much prefer not to be induced (because it makes the odds of me needing an epi or c-section higher), but I also don't want to go past my due date, so I have 14 days to go into labor.
For the last 2 appointments, I was 60% effaced and 1 cm dilated. That doesn't really mean anything, but I was sad I didn't progress any more last week. I've been walking, bouncing on my birth ball and I might try accupuncture next week (which I heard was really effective). Of course nothing works unless your body is ready to go into labor and I don't think mine is. I haven't dropped yet and I haven't had contractions really and not even that many Braxton Hicks. I haven't lost my mucus plus and I haven't had my bloody show. Of course I could go into labor without any of that happening, but those would be good signs!
My mom went into labor today with me (2 weeks early) in her pregnancy, so I keep hoping I'll take after her. Truth be told, I'm not ready this week. I need to finish up work and Steve's last day is next Monday, so ideally we'd go a week from Tuesday or Wednesday. Of course we could also be induced one of those two days (we have to decide by Wednesday). I would be 39 weeks and a few days - he's perfectly ready to come into the world now but I know that at least 39 weeks is ideal. My doctor said "nothing good happens after 40 weeks," so she doesn't really want me to go over much (a couple days at most).
Crazy how soon he'll be here. Of course I'm so excited, but also a little nervous about how much my life is going to change. I hope I'm ready. There are times when people talk about summer vacations or concerts (we live about 10 minutes from an outdoor ampitheater that has the big summer shows - DMB, etc), and I get a little pang of sadness when I think about what we'll be missing, but I've been doing the same shit for so many years that I don't think it'll be that hard to give up. I'm imagining lots of time on the back deck with my husband and MT and that sounds great to me too.
It's just a little...weird now. I feel like I have a ticking time bomb over my head and it can literally go off at any second and when it does, my life will forever be different. I wish I just knew when it was going to happen. I like being prepared (and in control).
Okay, the next time I update, it'll be with my birth story! Exciting!!!!!!!
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